You Are Your Friends


Hey guys!

Some of you may have noticed that we haven’t updated the blog in awhile and I just want to let you know, it’s not because we have run out of awesome things to discuss, it’s just that we have been super busy perfecting our new book which should be coming out in a couple of weeks. Very exciting stuff.

This article addresses a rather uncomfortable truth which all Players need to face at some point. That some of our friends, who we love, may actually be holding us back from getting where we need to in life.

The thought of abandoning friendships is never a nice one, naturally we are quite loyal and attached to our friends, we have been through a lot with them and we are comfortable with them. But is that a good enough reason to keep them in our lives when we know that they are anchoring us in our old selves when we are trying to become our new selves?

Personally, I think not, but I’ll let you decide for yourself.

Who Do You Want To Be?

Have you ever noticed that successful people tend to be friends with other successful people?

In fact. It is highly unusual for someone successful to hang around with losers… Coincidence? I think not.

There is a saying that goes “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”. There is a lot of truth to this. However, many people assume that this statement means, “Life is unfairly biased towards popular people and no matter how skilled I might be, people are superficial and this gives me a disadvantage in life”. Wrong.

Life is indifferent to how many friends you have or what advantages you may have been born with. Life rewards people who take control and create opportunities instead of feeling entitled to them.

If you don’t know the people that you need to know to get ahead in life, then that is your fault. You are not a victim of circumstance, you are not a victim at all. If you don’t know the right people, it’s because you haven’t proactively sought them out and befriended them.

Many people are under the illusion that a friendship is something that developed out of a mutually shared interest and all things are equal in that relationship (or else they should be) but what we forget is that in most of these cases there was one person who was more interested in developing a friendship than the other, and that person courted the other person until they became friends.

There was give and take of course, but in a very similar way to how a sexual relationship might develop. There are dates, there is intimacy, there is affection. You seduced some of your friends and they seduced you. That certainly doesn’t mean that you want to have sex with your friends, it just reflects the true nature of how relationships develop.

Recognizing this truth, should allow you to understand that you can seek out friendships with people who are more likely to help you get ahead in life but you will probably need to seduce them first, in much the same way you would seduce a beautiful woman.

If you wanted to become a great Actor, then you would greatly improve your chances of becoming a great actor if you surrounded yourself around people who were already great actors. If you wanted to become a great Player, then you should surround yourself around people who are already great Players. It’s as simple as that.

Upgrading Your Friendship Circle

You like your friends, of course you do; but the fact that you are still reading this tells me that your current friends are not such a good fit for the lifestyle that you want.

Do you need to tell your friends that it’s not working out, that you need to ‘see other people’?

No. We’re not going to go that far, that would just be weird. But, you should start thinking about how much you spend with them and what you normally achieve during that time and when you start making new friends that are more in line with the lifestyle you want, how comfortable would you feel introducing these friends to your current friends?

If you think they would embarrass you, then there is obviously something dysfunctional about your social life at the moment.

One of the hardest things about becoming a Player is letting go of who we used to be. Despite how much we know we could be doing better in life, we still feel relatively safe and comfortable in our old lives and failure is always the most readily available option. But failure is an seductive temptation that we can never allow ourselves to give into, because there is nothing sadder than a failed life.

Part of letting go of who we once were will also mean letting go of many of the things we were most attached to, but it is only in letting go and being free of our previous attachments that we can be born anew and unhindered by our past selves.

The friends that you hang out with will ultimately define who you are as a person and how you see yourself. If your friends don’t inspire you, if they don’t challenge you, if they are not supporting you 100% in your quest to become the greatest man that you can be, then you can do better, and you must do better if you want to have the things that you want most out of life.

Choose your friends based on the kind of life you want to lead.

By Kieran Black

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  • kevinliw

    Great article, anyway whats the book?

  • The book is an illustrated comprehensive guide (100+ pages) detailing everything you need to know to become a Player. From picking up babes, to permanently changing bad habits, to conquering anxiety, it covers everything.

    You will be able to purchase a copy in a few weeks through this website if you are interested.

  • Atm44

    Interesting article, certainl makes a lot of sense. A bit like cutting out negative people or ‘mood hooverers’ as my friend refers to them as. On a slight tangent when out with a group I tend to do better when I am the most confident in the group rather than with more confident (with women anyway) friends. Perhaps it just makes me more self-concious. Thoughts guys?

  • Freind

    I actually choose friends who are slightly off-beat and are kinda traditional loosers. Mostly because they are fucking awesome guys that I can really shoot the shit with, play guitar with and have an awesome time. But I also have an alterior motive though: Most of my best friends are less attractive than me; therefore I contest better for the women than they do. If I show up to a party with another group of friends that are highly attractive winner types, I never ever get laid. I tend to not stick out. Wheras when I party with my best friends, we are more comfortable and we work great together on psyching out other men.