Why You Can’t Get A Girlfriend

Why You Can’t Get A Girlfriend

Hey guys, I am writing this article because there are a lot of guys on here who tell me, “I don’t want to pick up women, I just want to get a girlfriend”. This seems like a fair enough request right? Kind of like, I don’t want to catch a taxi, I want to buy a car. If you are committed enough to the idea and you work hard enough for it, then you will get a girlfriend without having to go through the process of actually picking up women.


Saying you want to get a girlfriend but you don’t want to pick up girls is more like saying, “I don’t want to do exercise, I just want to play sport”… Errh what?




A girlfriend is not something that you can purchase and own. You can’t just walk down to the girlfriend store with your coupons and upgrade your friend to a girlfriend simply because you think it would be a good idea. Girls aren’t just going to develop instant attraction for you just because you put in the hours to get to know them. There has to be some actual sexual tension otherwise it’s just going to lead to another awkward situation.

“But what about dating? If I go on enough dates surely one of these girls will become my girlfriend.”

Perhaps, if you manage to build some attraction during those dates. If you manage to seduce her with your wit and charm and have her desperate to jump your bones at the end of the night. But oh whoops. You just picked up a girl when really you only meant to make her your girlfriend.

Let’s look at the alternative, you go on a date with a girl but you hold off all sexual advances until she agrees to become your girlfriend…


amish man


Do you know what century you’re living in?

Unless you’re a part of some archaic religious sect which forbids you from having sexual relations before marriage, then you are really kidding yourself if you think that this is how you’re going to get a girlfriend. And if you are from one of these religious sects, then the fact that you are on a site called “Way of the Player” clearly indicates that you think this particular facet of your religion is outdated and irrelevant to the way the world is. So there is no excuse.

Women wont always want to have sex before they are in a relationship, don’t get me wrong here. There will be instances where you will be dating a girl and she will become your girlfriend before she will have sex with you, in fact this is quite common. But in these instances there is at least a little bit of sexual tension driving this thing, and at the very least the guy courting the girl should have tried to kiss her. It doesn’t matter if she rejected the kiss because she is old fashioned, all that matters is that you actually try because this shows them that you’re confident in your own sexuality and it gives them some much desired sexual attention.


Formality is a fragile shell

A lot of guys rely on the formal approach to dating and seduction in order to get women. Once upon a time this was the norm, because in many civilized societies sexual repression was seen as a virtue and a mark of high social status. Therefore, courting was a very rigid and systematic process, optimized for preserving the dignity and reputations of both parties involved. These social practices were challenged a lot during the sixties and since then we have seen a gradual decay in some of these traditional social decorum’s. In other words, people are a lot more liberated to express themselves and their sexuality in any way they see fit. Dating and sex has become very instinctual and women no longer have to fear the same kind of social stigmatization  that they once did.

This all means in a nutshell, that there is no longer a set process for courting a woman, you can’t rely on things like wealth and social standing to arrange a girlfriend, you actually need to go out and attract one. That means that if you want a girlfriend then you will most likely need to start picking up girls, because this is the best way to establish whether you have sexual chemistry or not because in this day and age, sexual chemistry more often than not determines whether you get a girlfriend or not.

You might think to yourself. This is bullshit, I am a nice guy, I’m intelligent, I come from a good family, I have a good job; why do I see all these losers, all these assholes getting girlfriends but despite all my great qualities I can not get a girlfriend, how is this fair?

It’s not fair. The world is not fair. In fact society is actually getting dumber partially as a result of current natural selection trends. Intelligence is no longer as valued a quality as it used to be and good nice, intelligent people like yourself tend to have less children. So pretty much, mankind is screwed. But it’s not going to help you by getting frustrated with how natural selection is changed, all you can do is get with the program. If you need to be more instinctive to get a girlfriend then do it.

You might be thinking to yourself, in that last paragraph he addressed me as being an ‘intelligent, nice guy’, but how the hell would he know that? Kieran Black hasn’t met me before.

You’re right I haven’t met you before, but there are only two types of people who will be reading this article. Smart guys who over-analyze everything and are trying to intellectualize the process of getting a girlfriend, and normal guys who are curious about why guys like yourself can’t get a girlfriend. So yes, the fact that you need to read this article in the first place says a lot about you. I know you because I was you.

Stop over-thinking it

Do you know what your biggest problem is now? It isn’t that you’re too nice, it isn’t that your too ugly, it isn’t even logistics i.e. living in your grandmothers basement, not owning a car, not having a job etc. Your problem is that you are too introverted. You are so caught up in yourself, your own thoughts and ideas that you struggle to relate to other people. You feel like the way you see the world is the right way, the only way and you feel like other people are just characters in a movie where you are the star. Like Neo in the matrix.



Every girl you talk to is like another ‘sentient program’ in your world. You categorize them like you would any other ‘thing’ that you interactive with, ‘Hot girl’, ‘Emo’, ‘Easy’, ‘Bitchy’ etc. You do this on a day-to-day basis trying to further refine this categorization process until you feel like you comfortably understand women and the world about you. But, this is fruitless endeavor because what you are failing to realize is that to everyone of these girls you are a ‘sentient program’ in their worlds and the complexity of their worlds is such that it can never be easily categorized because each and every person has infinite possibilities. When you can learn to relate to women in a way that involves you becoming a tourist in their world, their matrix, their outlook, then you have formed a connection. When you can escalate this connection by being sexual, you can do more than tour their world, you can invade it and dominate it with your world to the point where they momentarily forget themselves.

The moment of truth



I think of an orgasm as the ‘moment of truth’, because in this moment of pure ecstasy people will forget almost everything and you will see a more pure version of that person than ever before. It is in that moment that many people will feel the most pure connection conceivable, and it is that moment that many of us will begin to fall in love. This is why you should be aiming to pick up girls, because it is through ‘picking up girls’ that you will be able to form the connection that will allow you to best see whether this is someone you really want to be with. Plus, sex is really great fun!

Dating is a charade



A date is just a charade, it is two people showing each other what they think they want to see. We present a fictional ideal character of ourselves. You will NEVER get an accurate depiction of someone from a date. I have never been on a date where the person I went on that date with turned out to be an exact representation of the real person. However, I have never been to bed with a girl who can uphold that same ‘fictional character’ during sex. I have gone out with girls who seem as virtuous and innocent as young nuns, yet in the bedroom they scream out obscenities that would make a sailor blush.

Don’t settle for the charade, be sexual and connect with them on a meaningful level. This is how you will get a girlfriend, by getting to know the real them and allowing them to know the ideal you. This is also how you will make sure that the girl that becomes your girlfriend is someone you chose, rather than the first girl who agreed to go out with you.

Picking up girls is a necessary part of the process of getting a girlfriend. As soon as you accept this and start making it happen, the sooner you will get a girlfriend. I promise you.

By Kieran Black

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  • Anthony

    Amazing! This definitely needed to be said; I’ll be sure to forward to a couple of my matrix infused buddies 🙂

  • nate

    Excellent article, but being an introvert is nothing like how you described it.

    The common modern perception is that introverts tend to be more reserved and less outspoken in groups. They often take pleasure in solitary activities such as reading, writing, using computers, hiking and fishing. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, engineer, composer and inventor are all highly introverted. An introvert is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people, though he or she may enjoy interactions with close friends.

    Source: Wikipedia

    While yes, introversion does gravitate toward a more analytical perception of things, it does not define introversion in any way.

    Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear.

  • Kieran

    Hey nate,

    It makes no difference whether you struggle to connect due to shyness or due to being introverted, these behaviors are most common in people who struggle to connect with others and the reason they struggle to connect with others is because they are essentially close-minded.

    Now when I say ‘close-minded’, don’t confuse this with narrow-minded or obnoxious. I actually mean that these people are very deeply attached to their own worlds and their own versions of things and because of this, they struggle to experience empathy in a practical social sense.

    Without empathy there can no understanding, and without understanding we can not form connections.

  • nate

    I agree. I took an introvert/extrovert quiz and it turns out I’m neither. I’m an ambiovert, someone who is both.