If you are reading this then you are no doubt curious as to how you can best utilise Man’s Best Friend to help you get Man’s Best Lady Friend.
Well if you have owned a dog in the past then you have no doubt at some point attracted the attention of beautiful women who wanted to pat and ‘oooh’ and ‘ahhh’ over said dog, unless said dog happened to be a wolf or rottweiler or some other sociopathic murderous beast.
Whilst she was down on one knee patting and doting on your beloved pooch you may have noticed that an opportunity had arisen for you to interact with a beautiful woman, if you didn’t take that opportunity to chat her up, then you let a perfectly awesome moment slip by.
You see what a lot of men don’t realise is that their dog is actually the perfect wingman.
-They are friendly and attractive without presenting competition.
-They have no approach anxiety or crippling self esteem issues.
-They provide a perfect excuse to interupt an attractive woman’s day.
Ever since man first domesticated the wolf in pre-neolithic times, dogs have been bringing their male owners sexy female talent for thousands of years! And don’t be fooled by their furry dopey faces, dogs know exactly what they are doing when they are humping the long sexy leg of a beautiful stranger, they are just breaking the ice so you can move in for the kill; they are after all, pack animals.
There is however, one significant detriment to having a dog as a wingman… They have NO standards!
The only problem with using a dog as a Wingman is that they can’t distinguish between beautiful women and heinous smelly trolls, to a dog as long as they have a vagina, that is all that matters! Unfortunately, no one has successfully trained a dog to have human standards, yet.
Our members at Way of the Player are determined to change this.
We have been systematically making our canine brothers watch episode after episode of Baywatch and the OC whilst rubbing their tummies and feeding them dog treats (positive re-inforcement), we have also been showing them picture after picture of ugly women with pet cats whilst shooting spit balls at their testicals (negative re-inforcement) it is our belief that after several years of this strict training regimen, we will have created a troupe of A-Grade Wingdogs ready for action in the field.
But until then… We will just need to make do with what we’ve got and take steps to ensure the best result when scouting for talent with your dog.
Getting the right kind of Dog
The first step is, if you don’t own a dog then you should probably go buy one because it will make this process a whole lot easier.
You could always glue a fake snout onto your cat and put a leash on him but this would probably attract the wrong kind of attention and someone in a uniform will probably take your catdog (Cog) from you and give you a hefty fine to boot.
Generally, it’s better to have an actual real life dog and better yet, a ridiculously cute dog from some kind of weird inbred looking breed.
This can be hard for us when shopping for a dog because the man part of us will want to lean towards getting something strong, athletic and alpha male looking, like a German Shepherd or a Staffordshire bull terrier, the kind of dog that when you take it for a walk you feel like you are holding a double barrelled shotgun with teeth and you are the biggest bad ass in the dog park.
Although these muscle bound weapons of poochy destruction may be cool and impress your buddies they probably wont get you a lot of attention from beautiful women because quite simply, they are intimidating and any sexy lady walking her Chihuahua (because all super hot babes have Chihuahua’s) would be so concerned about your dog eating hers, she would’nt risk coming close to say hello.
So the bottom line is if you’re considering buying a dog to help you get laid, then you are always better off going for the cute cuddly wuddly fluff ball than the meat grinding beast. Just go the fluff ball, you’ll learn to love it over time (or feed it to a hawk)
Whilst you are at the store picking out your future friend and partner in crime, try and get something that you know will look cute forever because the fact of the matter is all dogs look cute as puppies (except perhaps for ) and if you can get something that will look like a puppy forever then you have a winner.
What to do when your dog approaches a Hottie
If you have trained your dog well to detect beautiful women in the vicinity, then when he actually finds one and starts harassing her or her dog, the best thing to do is to apologise for your dogs behaviour (even though you’re not really sorry) and then follow up with something along the lines of “you know he doesn’t normally like people but he likes you (or her dog)”
This will make her feel like she is special and she will probably say something presumptuous like ‘Dog’s just love me’. Then a conversation ensues pretty easily from there.
The worst thing you can do is condone your dogs behaviour in front of her, if he runs up to a girl and starts humping her leg, don’t give him a dog treat or tell her ‘that looks like fun’ (even though we’re all thinking it) instead just grab your dog by the collar and shake your head and then pat him whilst you talk to her, at least this way it looks like you are disapproving of his behaviour but love him regardless because you’re such a top guy!
Once you engage your dog walking lady friend, it’s pretty easy to say things in conversation that will lead to another meet up such as…
“Do you walk your dog here often?”
“My dog really seems to like your dog, maybe we should organise a play date for them?”
If your dog approaches someone who is not a beautiful woman then you need to have a sit down with your dog and explain to him exactly where and how he is failing you as a wingman and remind him of your mission. If he is being difficult then perhaps threaten to give him crappy dry food for dinner or for very serious cases you can threaten to have him neutered (although we wouldn’t really go through with this because it’s just not right damn it, a dog needs his balls!)
Ultimately, even though dogs can be absolute Rockstars at helping you seduce beautiful women, we need to remember that they are animals that need love and constant care and not only that, they are also the coolest animals ever, except for perhaps that Chimpanzee ‘Caesar’ from ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’, he was awesome.
So treat your dog well and take some time to teach him some other useful tricks, because a bond with a dog is like no other bond, they are always there for you, they are always happy to see you and if you treat them well they will love you unconditionally until the day they die.