The Womens Guide to True Happiness

woman

So lets face it… Hollywood has fucked us! They design movies to sell fairly-tale like ideas of what romance is to the overly emotional; and like ignorant idiots we mistake it for real life. I’m sorry sweetheart, but you’re not a princess, you don’t live in a castle and I’m not a knight in shinning armor. Besides, what makes you think you would be worth me going to battle with a fire breathing giant flying lizard anyway?

Its about time the women of the world wake their asses up and start playing their role; there is light at the end of this tunnel. What these testosterone filled, poor excuse for a women’s rights activist (feminists) refuse to admit is they are generally emotional wrecks, filled with nothing but cynical thoughts and keyboard courage. I have genuinely begun to feel bad for them, so I designed this article to point you ladies into the direction of true happiness. Read up and send me an email to thank me for giving you direction and aligning you with your life purpose.

Swallow

“You see there’s leaders and there’s followers, but I rather be a dick than a swallower” -Kanye West

Pride, Opinions, and of course semen are all things that you must swallow if you have plans on being desired by any man with a fix for your shoe addiction. This is going to hurt, but the sooner you come to terms with the truth behind what I am about to say, the sooner you can kill your fake hopes and begin focusing on what is important. ‘Men’ (And I am not talking about vegan homosexual boys who model their love life after Chad Tatum scenes) don’t care about anything you have to say. If many men had their way their wives mouth would only open when it was time for his daily blow job. This doesn’t mean we do not love you. We do love you, but we love you more when you know when to turn your brain off and shut up. Don’t you ever wonder why the ditsy airheads get to have all the fun while you are angrily waging war in an attempt to get men to appreciate your intelligence?

Must your life be a constant quarrel or will you sit down, play your position and be happy for once ? All a man really wants is a hot girl that is going to feed his ego so if your are as intelligent as you think you are, you would play dumb, and tell your boyfriend how amazing he is.

Serve

Destiny’s Child had the song called ” Cater To You ” – go give it a listen.

In case you weren’t aware, it makes women happy to make the men in their lives happy. A happy man almost always equals a happy woman, when a man is happy within his relationship he gives his woman what she wants; love and attention. Therefore its important that you Cook, clean, and if he asks you to – bring another woman into the bedroom.

Any man with the strength to put up with the constant flurry of emotions women throw at us deserve at least one threesome within the course of the relationship. It’ll make him happy and I promise you will have a lot of fun during the act as well. But don’t stop there; if you’re going to cook make sure you do it in a mini skirt, boyshorts, or lingerie. If you are going to clean, just get naked and do it in a pair of heels. The acts you commit are only as meaningful as how attractive you look while doing them. Men are visual creatures and perception turns us on more than anything. So if you are going to serve a guy, the first area you must serve is his sight. Keep all areas of your body shaven, let your hair out, do 100 squats a day, and we may just stick around.

Choose A Battle That You Can Win

We all need something to fight for to sustain a level of beatitude, but its imperative that you pick a battle that you can actually win. Men have ruled the world since the discovery of fire and that is not going to change… EVER! Men rule within every animal species on the planet, so if you think we are going to succumb because you jock away at your keypad you are sadly mistaken. Just take a brief look at lions; Male lions have on average four to five Lionesses (Female Lions) at their disposal that both bring them food, have sex with them, and look after the children while the lion relaxes in the Sahara sun licking his fur. But the best part is, the Male lion even gets to eat first; he gorges himself in meat and blood, leaving only the scraps and remains for his mistresses to contend for. Do the the Lionesses complain? Of course not, because they know that this is making the male lion happy and this makes them happy. It’s tough to be unhappy when you have a firm understanding of what you’re on this earth to do – life just flows a whole lot easier. Fight for the production of higher quality Swiffer Wet Jet mops, thicker Bounty Paper Towel and a reduction on the price of Starbucks caramel lattes – we’ll be sure to handle the rest.

Men have invented 95% percent of everything you use in this world. Men invented ALL the technology you use, yes even FaceBook which is flooded by women was invented by a man. Men fight the wars and yes there are women in the military, but how many of you fight and die?

*Crickets*

Ladies, men have it tough out there; you don’t want the stresses and pressures that come with having to be the driving force for all creation do you? We didn’t think you did; So just kick back, relax and remember to serve.

[social_share\]
Please follow and like us:
  • Kieran

    Very controversial. I dig it 😉