The Best Costumes For Picking Up At Costume Parties

The best costume party costume

You have been invited to a costume party, you know there are going to be lots of beautiful women in slutty outifts and you know there is a chance that you might be getting naked with one (or possibly more if you are esepecially awesome)

You look through your wardrobe and you find an old Batman costume that used to fit you when you were 12, you try it on and it is very tight, you don’t remember Batman’s balls looking quite so prominent in his costume… Should you wear it as a gimick? It might get a few laughs…

Well if you want to play the fool then you will get some attention that’s guaranteed, but the reality is if you were hoping to get laid no girl wants to have hot sweaty sex with a fool, especially when they can just go home with a ‘normal guy’.

When dressing up for a custume party there are definitely some costumes that will increase your sex appeal and many many more that will lower it, in choosing the right costume it is important to remember that costume parties give you the opportunity to look super cool without looking like a total tool.

For instance.

If you strolled on down to your local bar wearing a superman outfit then people would think you were retarded but if you wore it to a costume party then any girl who has ever wished she was Lois Lane would think it was really sexy and maybe even want to fulfill a repressed sexual fantasy with you.

If you dressed up as Gumby or Doctor Evil, then how many girls do you think have had sexual thoughts about them? We’ll admit there are some freeky types out there who probably do have a thing for green playdo men but the majority of the worlds women do NOT want to have sex with Gumby so you’re not doing yourself any favours here.

To help our readers understand the difference between high sex appeal  panty dropping costumes vs. hideous hot girl repellant costumes, we are going to highlight some of the most common costume mistakes men make when they go to a fancy dress party, followed by the costumes that will make beautiful women want to jump you then and there.

The Clown

Sure clowns might have once been applauded and revered by children in the 1900’s but ever since the movie ‘It’ came out by Stephen King, featuring a homicidal monster clown that preyed on children, an entire generation of women have been poisoned against clowns.

Despite the fact that clowns are just plain creepy with their pale face make-up, weird pokadot outfits and bright multicoloured hair, clowns have never ever been considered sexy by mainstream society and they have been around for literally hundreds of years!

Even if you are the handsomest clown that ever lived no girl in her right mind would want to go to bed with a clown, there is nothing funny about having sex with a clown.

The P.I.M.P.

Okay so you might have a really bad ass furry purple jacket and diamond encrusted cane you bought off ebay, you might look like the flyest gangster Pimp at the party but unless you already have some ho’s don’t expect to find any more wearing that leopard skin hat and fake shiny grill.

The irony of the Pimp outfit is, although Pimp’s are supposed to be epitome of the ladies man (in a sense) it is very rare that you will actually see the guy in the Pimp outfit surrounded by interested beautiful women and this is because of one very good reason, they don’t want to look like your whores (no matter how slutty their outfits are).

The Pimp outfit is incredibly degrading to girls and it makes you look like someone who objectifies women, think of it this way. If a girl rocked up in a dominatrix outift with a whip and a dog collar, how would you feel if you had to wear the dog collar? Some guys would absolutely love it and even pay for that shit! But most guys would feel like they look like a bitch and this is how most women would feel hanging off the arm of a Pimp… Even if it is just a costume.

The Tranny

There is always one at every party… some execessively muscular jock type wearing a short skirt and a curly wig, some people refer to these men as ‘Scottish’ but others refer to them as trannies.

It might look funny to see a grown man dressed up as a woman but it is definitely not sexy and it can be quite disturbing for any unfortunate soul who catches a glimpse of your undercarriage when you bend over to pull a carona out of the bottom of the ice tub.

There may have been a brief period during the late 70’s “Rocky Horror” hype period where hairy men dressing up in provocative female lingerie was ‘the happening thing’ but since then it has just looked plain gay and most beautiful women and normal men will avoid the tranny at the party (just in case it isn’t really a costume).

The idea of costume parties is that they are all about having fun by being silly and that’s okay if that is all you hope to get out of the night, but if you want to get laid as well then it is definitely worth putting some effort and thought into your outfit, so you will have someone to help you take it off at the end of the night…

Just like there are three common “no-no’s” for costume parties there are also three common “hell-yeahs” which will make beautiful women drool at the site of you.

The Warrior

The traditional Gladiator is definitely a winner in the costume department, it portrays strength, masculinity and Roman sexuality and boy did those Roman’s know how to party! The etched breasplate also makes even the pudgiest of wearers look like they have a chisselled eight pack, so you really can’t go wrong going to a party as ‘Maximus awsomest’.

As long as you’re comfortable with wearing a toga and make sure you buy one that doesn’t make you look like you are wearing a dress then you should do well, the helmet is good for entrances but it will be easier to chat up women without it.

There is also the Medieval armour suit (although good ones are hard to come buy), if you are the kind of guy who considers himself a knight in shining armour then girls will go gooey at the site of a handsome man wrapped in a steel suit, just about every little girl has fantasised about a knight in shining armour so it is a pretty sure bet that this will get you laid by some hot princesses.

There are many other types of warriors that are also attractive to women, such as swashbuckling pirates, ninjas and barbarians, some girls might even be willing to overlook the skirt (kilt) if you decide to go as William Wallace, although most will just see a man in a checkered dress so be careful with that one. 

The Superhero

Who doesn’t like a superhero? (well… supervillians of course)

They are strong courageous and attractive and women grow weak at the knees at the sight of them.

A superman or batman outfit will rarely ever go down wrong and as long as you don’t out yourself as an obsessive comic book fan, then the ladies should just eat it up!

One important note. As cool as it might have been during the 80’s, don’t wear your underwear on the outside, it is unhygenic and it will look silly and unnatractive. You may have noticed modern superheros such as Spiderman and the Green Lantern have a strict underwear on the inside policy and it’s for a good reason.

The Pilot 

Pilot’s have always been considered to be amoung the sexiest professions for men.

Ever since the Wright brothers flew the first lightweight plane in the early 1900’s women have wanted to do Pilots. The Wright brothers in their heyday were getting so much ‘aviation poonani’ that neither of them ever married!

Whether you are commercial airline pilot, fighter pilot or even an astronaught, they all have a reputation for being wealthy, intelligent playboys who lead exciting and dangerous lives.

 Average men look up to them (quite literally) and their uniform is all about success and excellence; from the aviator cap and sunglasses to the polished shiny shoes, it is hard for anyone to look less than awesome in a Pilot’s uniform. But whatever you do, make sure you don’t hire out a Navy uniform by mistake (the fairies of the sea) because they are renowned for being dirty horny bastards and this is not the image you want if you’re hoping to get laid.

Whatever the outfit you choose, it is really the man beneath the costume that matters most but what harm is their in gift wrapping that man in pure awesomeness?

And when you are fulfilling some kind of historically incorrect sex fantasy with a beautiful French maid you discovered by the punch bowl in your super cool outfit, just remember that the costume places charge a fortune for cleaning out jizz stains so be careful to keep your costume out of harms way.
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