Become a Player
Every sane adult person alive lives by their own set of values and morals, their own individual code. This code determines how you interact with the world about you; it determines your character, your strengths, your weaknesses and most importantly your self-esteem.
It is probably not something you are entirely conscious of, you might have beliefs or opinions which affect some of the decisions that you make in life and poor adherence to those beliefs and opinions would normally make you feel bad about yourself and affect your self-esteem.
For instance, if you believed that it was morally wrong to steal yet you downloaded lots of pirated material or cut in line at the movies, then you might feel like you are technically doing something that you consider immoral and you will try to justify it to yourself but ultimately you will probably wind up feeling like a hypocrite.
Hypocritical actions are not great for our feelings of self worth, as Players we should be proud of who we are and feel completely confident in our ability to act in accordance with our values.
Everyone has different values, quite often they are inherited from our parents, from religion, from society, wherever they came from we have been taught to believe that we need them in order to live a good lifestyle.
You might have great values, you might be a really great person and have the respect and adoration of everyone in your community, and you might be a really nice guy; which is fine but you are reading this because you want to be Player, you don’t just want to be a nice guy or a good person, you want to be attractive to beautiful women, you want to be able to get the types of girls that you really want, you want to start winning in life and in order to do that you will need to make some changes.
We understand how attached you are to your own values, we all are but we wouldn’t ask you to sacrifice any of them if it wasn’t completely necessary. What you are about to read is the top 10 values that players need to have in order to be successful with both women and life.
We call these 10 values, the 10 pillars of the Player because like construction pillars they are the foundations upon which we build ourselves, they are the pillars on which we will build the new improved you.
In order for you to succeed in your goal of becoming a true Player, these 10 core values will need to become your core values as well and there is no room for deviating from them. You cannot pick and choose the one’s that you like and leave the one’s you don’t, if you want to be the best Player you can be then you will need to embrace these pillars to the best of your ability.
If any of your previous beliefs or values interfere with the pillars of the Player then you will need to let go, there is only one way here and it is the Way of the Player. Print these out and put them on your wall, look at them every time you need reminding of the kind of man that you are becoming, the best possible version of yourself and a true Player.
Player Pillar 1. INTEGRITY
Develop a sense of honor and integrity in your dealings with others.
People should see you as man of good character who stands by his values and always does what he knows to be morally sound and is resistant to corruption or deviation from the righteous path.
If you don’t have the integrity to stick to the pillars of the Player then they are nothing but wasted words on a screen. Anyone can read something and say that they will use it but many don’t have what it takes to follow through on their promises to themselves.
As Players and men we will constantly be tempted throughout our lives to take actions which are contrary to what we know to be right. It is essential so that we can hold our heads high at the end of the day and respect ourselves wholeheartedly that we know that we are men of integrity.
People can take your home, they can take your money, they can take everything you hold dear but they can never take your integrity unless you let them and it is your integrity that will consistently see you succeed in life, time and time again.
A good example of this is the personal standards that we have for the women that we have sex with. If you hook up with every girl who shows you interest regardless of her looks then attractive girls you know will lose respect for you and be less likely to feel attraction because you have no personal standards and you have essentially become known for being ‘easy’. (It happens to guys too)
Men of integrity and drive who have very high standards of women, will persistently pursue these women until through trial and error they eventually figure out how to get them. Of course it certainly helps if they read Way of the Player.
You need to decide and know your true worth and never lower yourself or your standards to accommodate a situation or person.
Protect your honor fiercely and the honor of any women you care for; unlike pride which is based is vanity, honor is based upon the principles of higher elevated consciousness and without honor we are little more than animals.
Use the higher intellect that we have evolved as humans to govern your lower desires that interfere with your integrity.
Choose your goals and stay the path no matter what obstacles might interfere. Your integrity should make you like a rock, solid, reliable and unrelenting.
Player Pillar 2. BALANCE
Balance is the key to having a healthy sustainable lifestyle.
People without balance in their lives tend to be depressed, self-destructive and harmful to those around them.
Alcoholics are a prime example of people living an unbalanced lifestyle. Because they lack the self control to be able to moderate their alcohol use, it interferes with other areas of their lives such as their jobs, their families and their health.
Once these other areas of their lives begin to become problematic as a result of excessive drinking, it causes them to become more depressed and in turn this causes them to drink more to ease their suffering. This cycle is known as a negative feedback loop.
If you were not aware, a negative feedback loop is a term used in science to described a series of self perpetuating chain reactions which cause the individual to engage in self-destructive behaviour until something happens to rectify the balance and disrupt the cycle.
In the instance of alcoholism this is often in the form of an intervention by friends and relatives followed by counselling to attempt to rectify the damage caused and to set the individual on the path to recovery and balance.
The path to recovery is often time consuming and arduous so the best thing to do, is to never get into a negative feedback loop in the first place and we achieve this by ensuring that we are always living a balanced lifestyle.
The three main areas of your lifestyle that need to be balanced are work, rest and play. Too much of any of these areas will result in it consuming time from the rest and this will cause you to have an imbalance.
For each person the categorisation of these areas may differ somewhat. Sleep will always be rest but for work and play the lines can often become blurred. For most men staring at naked women all day might seem like a leisurely activity, however for a Playboy photographer that would probably feel like hard work.
It all comes down to the individual perspective and knowing our own limitations, if we are doing something that is making us unhappy then we are out of balance, if we hate our job so much that we dread getting up every morning then we are out of balance.
Often the prospect of change can seem like a daunting prospect but it is an entirely necessary one in order for us to lead well adjusted happier lives.
It would of course be ideal if we were able to fuse work and play together, having a job that was in itself highly enjoyable and lucrative but unfortunately we can’t all be Swedish Porn Directors so just do the best you can.
Player Pillar 3. COURAGE
To be courageous means to face your fears, to take action when it is needed; sometimes courage is mistaken for recklessness because the two both constitute action in times when action can be dangerous but fundamentally they are very different.
Courageous people are fully aware of the risks yet they rationalize that the action is needed from them regardless of how much they fear the consequence; to be reckless is to go in without due pre-meditation and expose yourself to uncalculated risk. As Players we are courageous we are not reckless.
With courage you will always be prepared for the worst and it is the cornerstone of approaching women and flirting because you are daring to be provocative yet you are being aware of social limitations and expectations.
With recklessness, you will ignore obvious signs and signals and throw yourself into bad situations because you have not properly assessed the situation and you will do yourself more damage than good.
A true Player acknowledges that there is a part of him which will always have a fear of rejection regardless of his overall success with women; however, a Player has the courage to approach and make himself vulnerable because he realizes that his fear of approaching women is unfounded and the rewards of taking action and making a move far outweigh the detriments of not taking action.
Every day in society we are faced with opportunities to be courageous, sometimes it can be something as simple as standing up to your boss or protecting someone you see being intimidated on the way to work. Most people are not courageous, most prefer to turn a blind eye, to bow their heads and live in fear. But we are not most people, we are Players and we are courageous.
Player Pillar 4. EMPATHY
Empathy is the ability to see the world vicariously through others.
Empathy allows us to ‘put ourselves in other peoples shoes’ to understand other peoples thoughts and opinions and give them due consideration.
It doesn’t mean supplicating or giving into opinionated people because you want them to like you. We only need to seek to understand where they are coming from; we don’t need to agree with them.
A Player must always strive to understand those around him, to understand how they think and why they do the things that they do; whether it be beautiful women, politicians or homeless people, we must always have a healthy curiosity about others and seek to understand the world around us.
By using empathy we are able to keep an open mind about the world and in doing so we increase our understanding of it. For instance, when a girl says ‘I hate men’ we are able to insightfully speculate on what might have led her to feel that way about men and if we can understand the source of that thought process then we can easily diffuse it.
Her: ‘I hate men!’
Him: ‘Have men treated you poorly in the past?’
By using empathy we can improve our ability to interact effectively with others, in particular it greatly improves our ability to deal with hostile behaviour because we see these ‘projections’ for what they are, defence mechanisms employed during times of vulnerability.
Empathy will also help us understand what the people we are conversing with are most likely to find interesting and amusing and this makes for better conversation.
Player Pillar 5. PRIDE
There is nothing wrong with being proud.
As a true Player you will need to learn to embrace your pride and hold yourself with dignity at all times.
You need to maintain an exaggerated opinion of yourself and your abilities, allow yourself to think and wholeheartedly believe that you are better than just about all of the men out there.
You can still be cool and down to Earth in all other facets of your interactions with others but when it comes to your perception of yourself you need to believe that you are truly awesome, important and special and can offer something to them that no other man can.
It doesn’t matter if you have done things in the past that you are not proud of, as long as you have integrity now then you can be proud of all your actions to come whether they were right or wrong.
Be proud of your accomplishments in life, if you help someone with something and they do well then be proud of them. Having pride can often be used as a means of assuming stature in society and people will only appreciate you being proud of them if you are proud yourself.
You are the only person that you should ever place on a pedestal and no person, Prince, Astronaut or Professional athlete is better than you, if you don’t believe that you are amazing then it is unlikely anyone else ever will.
Take pride in your appearance and image and take measures to ensure that where possible you are always seen by the world in your best form; for instance, a true Player never leaves the house in less than his best attire and has control and a composure that always gives off a vibe of general awesomeness. This is because he is proud of his ability to present himself well.
You should always be able to hold your head high and know that you are someone who should be appreciated and respected, nobody can take your pride unless you give it to them and no matter what happens to you, as long as your pride and integrity is intact you will always be able to recover.
Player Pillar 6. EXCEPTIONALISM
It goes without saying that Players are exceptional human beings, we are at the top of the social food chain, we can seduce beautiful women with an ease and skill that only a very tiny percentage of men on the planet can even come close to rivalling.
Being a Player is an exceptional feat in itself but in order to become a true Player there needs to be something special about us to begin with, that one ‘it factor’ that makes us stand out from everyone else.
Some of us are born exceptional, some of us are geniuses or athletes or royalty but the rest of us have to work at being exceptional; fortunately it isn’t that hard.
For instance; one of the most common ways for us to appear to be ostensibly exceptional is to have exceptionally good fashion sense and style and this is something that anybody can achieve with enough commitment.
All you would need to do is start looking in fashion magazines, shopping at the right stores and hanging with the right crowds; make the decision to proactively excel at this particular facet of your life and stick with it.
Other common examples of exceptionalism are guys who are exceptionally fit and muscular, guys who are exceptionally good at sport, guys who are exceptionally good at art, and guys who are exceptionally good in their profession. The list goes on, these are just examples of exceptionalism that we see in day to day life.
You only really need to be exceptional at one thing, more than one is obviously better but as long as you have that one thing, that one stroke of brilliance then that is your Ace of Spades, that is your winning card that if played at the right times will win you admiration and respect of your peers.
Aim to become an expert at something, aim to win in one area of your life and become the best in that field, once you have mastered one area of your life you will discover that this same elitism transfers to other areas of your life, this will be the turning point for when you really start winning in life.
So think of something realistic, preferably take something that you have a natural talent for and refine it, make sure it is something cool and interesting; don’t make it something geeky or disgusting, no girl is going to be impressed by you being able to belch the national anthem.
This exceptionalism also needs to be intangible, meaning that it can’t be something that you own or possess, it has to be something, a skill, a talent that you as an individual have, women don’t fall in love with a man’s possessions they fall in love with the man’s character. (More shallow women of course will often sleep with a man because of his possessions)
As Players we can get the most out of our exceptional abilities by revealing them at the correct times and with the correct prompts you can make yourself appear to be awesome at everything you do.
For example, let’s just say you are on a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant and you also happen to be an incredibly talented pianist (piano player) but she doesn’t know this. You are sitting there after you have eaten dinner and you ask her to excuse you for a moment. You then walk over to the grand piano and ask the pianist if you can play a song for your dinner partner, you then play and sing beautifully and she is literally awestruck and there is no way in hell that you are not getting laid that night and she will always wonder what other incredible talents you have hidden away.
On the other hand if you are bragging about your piano playing abilities over dinner and then you play for her then she will think okay he’s pretty good at piano but if that is the most awesome thing about him then it’s kind of disappointing.
Be exceptional at the right times and she will think that you are exceptional at everything that you do.
Player Pillar 7. REMONSTRANCE
To have remonstrance means to be challenging and have a general willingness to object.
As a Player it is important that you are able to stick by your guns and not agree with people just because you want them to like you, this kind of behaviour is called supplication and is one of the biggest reasons why a lot of guys get put in the friend zone.
That doesn’t mean that you should disagree with everything she says and be argumentative but if you have a good reason to object to something she is saying then you should do it, this will show her that you are not afraid of her and will actually make you seem more honest and sincere as a person.
When demonstrating remonstrance you should not be hostile, obnoxious or patronizing; challenge her in a way that she feels as if you are having fun with her, smile when you do it so she knows that you’re only half serious.
Remonstrance is the basis of teasing, which is an essential part of flirtation and just like teasing, it can be taken too far.
Only challenge a girl when you are sure they you have a good point, don’t just challenge for the sake of being challenging as this will make you look like an asshole.
The best time to challenge a girl is when she is being cocky, arrogant or demonstrating some other form of behaviour that displeases you.
You are on a date with a beautiful girl and she won’t stop talking about her ex-boyfriend.
Her: Oh my God, so like the other day he totally called up one of my friends and starting flirting with her can you believe that asshole?
Him: I’m not sure, why don’t we give him a call and get him down here to share his version of events.
Him: I asked you out tonight because I wanted to get to know you better, not your ex boyfriend, I couldn’t care less about him. Now tell me something interesting about yourself, something that you have never told anyone else.
Most guys would just nod their heads and go along with whatever a beautiful woman is saying to them because they think that if they do this it will make the girl like him and that is his best shot at becoming her boyfriend.
However, the truth is, if you are not challenging in any way to her then she is more likely to think that you are just another sympathetic ear for her to dump her shit on, this is how most guys end up in the friend zone.
Most guys fail to stand up to beautiful women when they should because they focus on building a friendship first and then developing that into attraction, when what they should really be doing is concentrating on building attraction period, not friendship. That comes after.
By daring to be challenging you are showing her that you are a force to be reckoned with, that you are a formidable challenge, that you won’t just let her walk all over you, that you won’t make it that easy for her and most importantly you show her that you are confident enough to take the lead and be a man.
So next time a beautiful woman is being fake or talking shit or bragging, pull her up on this behaviour, let her know you’re not a doormat, challenge her and by challenging her, show her that you will hold her accountable for bad behaviour.
Player Pillar 8. CANDOR
To be candid means to be frank, honest, open and sincere.
This is because women lose attraction and respect for men who they consider to be fake, dishonest or supplicating. Women want to know the person who is trying to seduce them, they want to be able to trust him because if they go out with him (or go home with him) they are essentially trusting him with their safety and wellbeing.
Would you put your life in the hands of someone conceited, someone you didn’t feel like you could trust?
You would have to be either incredibly naive or stupid to do so and when a woman considers going home with a guy for the first time, that’s the decision she needs to make, she needs to decide whether he is worthy of trusting with her most valuable asset, her life.
Therefore as Players we need to show these women that they can trust us, that we are not serial killers, that we have been completely open with them from the beginning, that we are not hiding anything.
A good example is in how we compliment women.
When you are complimenting a beautiful woman or talking to her for the first time, if she senses insincerity in what you’re saying then she will see insincerity in you as a person and won’t trust you or what you say.
Try and give women truthful compliments about themselves, try and notice things about them that other men have not noticed. If you think a girl has a stupid looking dress, don’t tell her it’s beautiful; don’t tell her you think it’s stupid either but try and find something unique and interesting about her that you can compliment her on.
Not only will being candid imbue a sense of security in the women you are seducing but it will also make you seem a lot more original as a person and therefore she is more likely to be interested in your personality, because originality is refreshing.
Women are always looking for something new and different, they want to be surprised and impressed and as a true Player this is an effect you should have on almost every person you meet. Since we are bombarded with unoriginality on such a regular bases by the media, more and more people are constantly searching for someone to show them new truths by being authentic.
This is also why you should never use pick-up lines, they are phoney and if a woman senses that they are being given bogus lines then they will most likely laugh in your face, ignore you or get aggressive. Don’t use pick-up lines.
Player Pillar 9. RESPECT
If you want your life to be filled with beautiful women then you will need to respect them. That certainly doesn’t mean that you should worship the ground that they walk on, in fact if you do everything that you are instructed to do in this eBook then they should be worshiping the ground that you walk on.
Some men make the mistake of confusing respect for women with idolization of them and they raise them to unrealistic and unattainable levels, it is important that as a Player you never make this rookie mistake. Women should always be treated as our equals; not our betters.
As a Player we should respect the important natural role that women play in society, without them men would cease to exist. Women are our mothers, they are our sisters and ultimately they will end up giving us the most spiritually, emotionally, and physically fulfilling relationship(s) that we could ever have.
True Players should seek to protect and defend women from men who might give them derogatory labels such as ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’, some individual women might seem deserving of such labels and undeserving of our respect but women as a whole deserve respect and men who respect them will always attract more of them.
To respect women you also need to respect their right to discretion, meaning that if a woman doesn’t want you to tell all your buddies about a sexual encounter that you had, then you should respect her wishes and show discretion.
Men who develop a reputation for having discretion will ultimately get offered sex a lot more than men who brag about it to everyone. That is a fact.
You will also notice that if they believe that you have discretion, the behavior of women you seduce will be very different behind closed doors; if they feel like they can trust you to be discreet then they will generally be willing to get a lot kinkier in the sack and let you do things to them that they wouldn’t let other guys do to them (use your imagination).
Another thing to remember is that respect demands respect, if you are disrespectful to women then you can’t rationally expect them to respect you back, you will build a lot more meaningful and pleasurable relationships with women if your relationship is based upon a foundation of trust and respect.
Player Pillar 10. BE THE PARTY
This is the real X factor of the Player, this is what makes us stand out from the crowd and it is something that only the most dedicated and skilful Players can master. It is being the life of the party.
When I say ‘life of the party’ I don’t necessarily mean an actual party with cake and alcohol and loud music. Those kinds of parties are awesome but the truth is a party can be any gathering of people for whatever purpose and there is usually one or more people that hold that party together.
Being the party means having dynamic leadership within any social group, it means being inherently alpha male and taking an active role in any decisions or activities relevant to the group. When we apply this to a typical social scenario like a nightclub or a bar, a player should always be the life of the party and conducive to the general fun and entertainment surrounding him.
This is commonly misconstrued to mean being a loud, boisterous and obnoxious drunk but what it really means is having fun and amusing yourself; radiating such a positive fun vibe people feel drawn to it and want to be a part of your fun.
The key to this is ensuring the people around you are enjoying themselves and having a good time only as a secondary concern to what’s paramount; that you yourself are having a great time and entertaining yourself.
Example 1. Social scenario.
You are at a party and it’s a bit boring so you decide it would be a good idea to get the party started by playing a drinking game
So in order to get it happening you need to command enough respect from your peers so they will respond to your instructions in order to get the game started, this takes leadership on your part.
So you get everyone together and you read out the rules to the game and everyone is playing your game. You have just become the life of the party.
Example 2. Business scenario.
Your manager at work tells you that as a part of your training you now have to get together for four hours on Friday and do a ‘cultural tolerance workshop’
You get there and everyone is obviously pissed off that they need to take time out of their day on a Friday afternoon and do a boring workshop.
Your boss tells you to get into groups and come up with some suggestions for how you can improve workplace tolerance of other cultures.
Your group looks pretty glum and no-one really wants to be there. So you decide to make things more enjoyable and change the vibe.
So you step up and assume the role of group leader and you start talking about different jokes they may have heard that were inappropriate and you get people talking about funny stories about things that have happened with other cultures and all of a sudden everyone is laughing and having a good time in your group while the other groups still look miserable.
You have just become the life of the party and it was your energy and vibe that made the party what is was.
This is what being a leader and the life of the party is all about.
This is the end of the 10 pillars of the Player, congratulations on getting through it all because it is quite a long read but it was worth it because you now have the blueprints for success stored away in the back of your head.
Whether you use those blueprints to build an awesome life for yourself, well that’s entirely up to you but our community will always be here to help steer you in the right direction should things ever take a turn for the worse or you lose your way. You can count on us.