Secret Texting Weapon: Inside Jokes

Secret Texting Weapon: Inside Jokes

“How do I keep the texting going?”

Inside jokes are the key to creating rapport and securing attraction (remember, it’s not all about having a diamond-cutting jawline and toned glutes, guys). Placing an inside joke anchor is your way to differentiate yourself from other guys because it’s tapping into a mutual joke/reference that you have with the other person. This is going to be the conversational glue that keeps you guys connected.

First of all:

  • Don’t go overboard with emoticons and typical reactions like LOL, ROFL and LMAO, unless you’ve created enough rapport for this to be ok. The less emotion you exude (at least in the beginning) the better, stay mysterious!
  • Mirror: Don’t send long paragraphs if she’s sending you 1-2 word answers. Don’t text back immediately if she is taking 4 hours to do so.
  • Try to match your real-life tone to your texting tone. We’ve all seen too many cases where, to overcompensate, the guy starts over-texting something like “That is very cool. I think you have a gift =) I’m very interested in your knitting hobby!!!! Maybe you can teach me!!!”

Texting is extremely important because:

  1. It holds the balance of the interaction
  2. It creates an exclusively personal archive of shared information
  3. It’s your projection vehicle

It holds the balance of the interaction

By important, I mean it is part necessary evil, part conversation enhancer. It must be used wisely to yield results, and needs to be handled with care because one bad text is going to eat at you for a long time. That’s bad for the man’s psyche.

Have you ever answered perfectly to a text and it sparked conversation or interest? Have you ever made a gut decision to text somebody something questionable and realized she isn’t texting you back anymore? This is the nature of texting; it can send you to the anaconda pit, or put you in a white suit, on a plane, in a P.Diddy music video. Don’t underestimate it.

Just make sure to follow the “Don’t say anything unless you have something nice/interesting/funny to say”

It creates an exclusively personal archive of shared information

Just like speaking with somebody one on one, you are trying to build rapport.

The difference with texting is that all of that info is available, FOREVER, after the interaction. That means there’s a little more thinking you’ll have to do before texting because that one time you say “Coolioz” in a text, she’s taking screenshots and sending it to her friends with an “LOLZ.”

The good news is, the information database you are creating together is something ONLY you and her share (unless she’s LOLing to what you say with her friends) and it’s a lot more powerful than people think.

You ever notice that your best friends in life are the ones who you where you can send one word texts and are met with uproarious laughter and/or a silent understanding? That is the dynamic you want.

It’s your projection vehicle

How do you want to sound? How do you want her to react? What do you want her to assume about your personality?

There is a lot of talk about “framing” and the ability to pre-emptively make somebody perceive something about you. Texting is an amazing platform for this.

It’s all in the timing: You have a variety of inside jokes and incidents that can be referenced right? Well some of them are funny, some of them are scary and some are sexual etc. Make sure and be flexible because just like in any interaction, trying to be funny/serious/sexual ALL THE TIME makes you look 1-dimensional and unintelligent.


Inside Joke Examples (tried and tested):

Inside Joke: “If there’s kick ball…what about punch ball?”

Her: “My teacher just shortened the deadline for the essay…”

Response: “Put your punch ball skills to good use.”


Analysis: It’s not exactly hilarious, but it’s just a call-back from an earlier moment that is actually FUNNIER when applied to certain situations, like asshole teachers. This also gives her the “oh yeah, we talked about that” feeling.

Inside Joke: A girl had a very ghetto cell phone that I made fun of

Her: “I never got the Facebook invite for that event”

Response: “I don’t think Facebook beeps people anymore.”

Her: “STOP LOL My phone can’t even run Facebook anymore…”

Response: “My Nokia says your Motorola ain’t about that life.”

Her: “You have a Nokia? Lol”

Response: “Yeah, she’s pretty opinionated.”


Analysis: This is the texting version of both a “neg” and “kino.” The neg here, in a real life setting, would probably inspire her to punch you in the arm or push you as she laughs and says fuck you. The beauty of it is, she’s reacting like this while staring at her phone and trying to prevent herself from laughing/reacting out loud. She then smiles to herself quietly and devises a comeback.


What makes this so fun when you get the hang of it, is the fact that you can already see, prior to sending, what her reaction is probably going to be; Most likely a series of LOLs and HAHAs.


Inside Joke: Mutual hatred for Crocs


Her: “I need new sandals!”

Response: “ah. Michael (guy at work wearing Crocs) may have some good suggestions.”

Her: “I am NOT wearing Crocs! LOL.”

Response: “I might wear LEGO shoes before Crocs haha”

Her: “I’m sticking to the adidas sandals with the bumps on the bottom, remember those?”

Response: “Ah yes, the nipple shoes.”

Her: “HAHA, I’m never wearing them again.”


Analysis: What started out as a normal conversation about her new sandals turned into an opinionated conversation, that eventually lead to a somewhat more sexual topic. The transition is seamless and succeeds in creating some comfort when talking about something sexual (framing). This can be escalated further depending on how she reacts to the sexual talk, but the point is, that you don’t necessarily need to be talking about sex to reference sex. Also, this way, it looks far more natural to talk about nipples than, say, for you to talk about how marathon runners get chafed nipples while running.

Inside jokes and mutual references


Take a moment to think about some of the inside jokes/references that you make on a daily basis. You probably don’t consciously decide to say it; rather, it’s a spontaneous moment of comedy. That’s why it’s funny.

Why is it good to be funny? Because women like funny. Because funny gets men laid. Because men need to entertain women in order for them to look their way, and this is one form of it. Inside “jokes” are just that, her form of personal entertainment, coming directly from you.

The key is to import real-life conversations to your phone. People stop texting each other for a variety of reasons, but one of the biggest ones is that the conversation isn’t stimulating. Funny is stimulating.


Practical Application

It all starts in real life. Don’t assume you can just start texting away and you’ll get wildly entertaining responses.  You must build a base, in real life, with girls you interact with.

Find funny things in life that almost anybody can relate to and comment on it (like Crocs, or jean shorts). Now figure out how to apply that mutual joke into other facets of the interaction (like creating a series of “If he/she had Crocs on it would have been fine” jokes). Now apply that to the texting, and chances are you’ll be going back and forth with the girl, looking creepy and smiling at your phone.

It’s alright though, she’s doing it too.



Ry Sullivan is a new WOTP writer located in Tokyo, Japan

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