The Power of Delayed Gratification
The world is set on eradicating delayed gratification; the smartphones, the apps, wireless, seamless, streaming, “whatever you want, whenever you want” and “on demand” are only a few of the things that promotes “NOW”, “ALL THE TIME.”
Things are getting too easy. It’s too easy to order a pizza, it’s too easy to download full albums or watch porn…it’s too easy to make a profile on okCupid and get a date. Do we have to wait on anything anymore?
Oh yeah, girls.
Men are always looking for shortcuts on how to get women and they want to “close” as soon as possible. Relax.
What are guys doing?
- Trying too hard to build rapport, too early
- Overly eager in making contact (Facebook etc.)
- Expecting to kiss/sex too early
“Eager” is actually a good trait to have in most instances because it shows dedication and a willingness to learn. However, your job is to temper that in social situations/dates. I understand that guys want to apply their newly learned tactics and strategy immediately, but part of the strategy is TIMING. And sometimes TIMING is just the act of waiting for it. Patiently.
Delayed gratification serves a few purposes in the world of dating and relationships:
- It makes you look like you are busy/productive/important
- It makes you seem confident and not over-eager for women
- It makes YOU feel good
You see, “seeming” busy, confident and not over-eager is just half the battle. But it’s a damn good start…a start that’s better than MOST men these days.
And don’t mistake delayed gratification with being PASSIVE. This is hardly the case. A move will be made; it just needs to be calculated.
Hey, men don’t necessarily respect women that are TOO easy either (both sexually and otherwise), right? Same logic.
Your interaction with a person has a certain pace to it, whether you are talking to a girl or a guy. When the pace is fast, that means there is a lot of common ground and a similar sense of humor (or something). But not all interactions will be like that. In which case, floating along with the pace is sometimes your best ally.
Yes, there is a time and a place for aggressive tactics, but that is also TIMING. You don’t MAKE the timing a lot of times, it finds you.
Texting is literally as easy as 1-2-3. Don’t let that be the reason you blow your text-wad early.
I’m not saying DON’T text, it’s more about WHAT you text (refer to my last article on texting) and when. Don’t be ultra-eager in texting or its going to appear (literally) like you are the only one talking…and that doesn’t look good.
Keep pace with her text-timing as much as possible until there is a mutual texting equilibrium. When you wonder why she isn’t responding, she is wondering that too…unless you text her 20 times a day!
Being able to “close” a girl is one of the biggest accolades a man can get in the dating world.
That doesn’t mean it’s the goal.
Sure, smashing on a first date sounds great to the homies and lubes up the ego, but it’s not automatic and shouldn’t necessarily be your only goal. NOT kissing on a preliminary date may be more beneficial than going for it sometimes. Why? Because you showed control. If you are a timid weakling during the date and THEN whimper away, then that’s bad. But if you are a gentlemen, you do your rapport job of strategic negging, playful teasing and kino, then you will come across as a man that doesn’t NEED to have to hook up every time. This in particular soils the panties.
It goes without saying that women function a bit differently than men do in the bedroom. The girl is not a crotch rocket you turn on and peel away with. She is (on many occasions) an older, but reliable, 95’ Toyota Camry in the winter. It takes some time to warm up, but cruises effortlessly afterwards.
If men could just show up and shove their penis in a vagina, we would do it. If women said they liked Crocs on a man, we’d wear them in a heartbeat. But we can’t, we need to add something to the wood to get the fire going, right? So when women say they love massages and pinot noir, assume they are asking for gas money.
Don’t be passive. The passive will sit on an opportunity until it physically dives on their hard wang, which almost never happens.
The patient man will wait an hour to send a text back, he will appear wanted/busy/important, he will have the mental fortitude to kiss and go home…he will be in control.
Seeking consultation in Tokyo,Japan or through Skype? Email me at Rysullivan@wayoftheplayer.com