By Damien Diecke
What is true Self Confidence? It’s a question I always ask clients in my very first session with them. Endearingly they often try to define it by using the same word in a sentence such as “It’s when you are confident in yourself”, but although we all know it when we see it, most of us can’t pin down what confidence really is, so it’s little wonder so many of us struggle to build it.
How confident would you be at frying an egg? Unless you’re severely kitchenly disadvantaged like I am, I imagine you feel very confident about this task. However most of you wouldn’t feel like this makes you a self confident person. What if I asked you instead to walk out into the street right now and run off a quick Elvis impersonation by singing a song for all to hear? Not so confident about that now? What if you looked out the window and saw a man walk into the street and start singing an Elvis song? You would likely presume they were very crazy or very confident.
The above example neatly highlights how we spot self-confidence. You feel confident about frying eggs because most of you have done it lots of times before. You feel unconfident about impersonating Elvis because ( I presume, but who am I to judge?) It’s not something you’ve done much before.
We identify self-confident people as those who are most willing to tackle unfamiliar tasks with the most zest. Not those who happen to be confident in something they do regularly.
That unstoppable, “I have no idea how to do this, but I’ll give it a try” attitude is what marks a confident person. They may feel fear, but they’ll always jump into the unknown. The good news is anyone can easily become that confident person with just 10 minutes a day.
We all have things we’d LIKE to do, but don’t get around to. For example, I’d love to try making a cake because I have a sweet tooth, but always put it off because it’s all too unfamiliar. Sometimes the task is as simple as driving home that different route you’ve always wanted to try, but never bothered because you didn’t want to get lost. Perhaps, it’s actually approaching a girl one night when out with friends rather than just talking about it. Whatever it is, we all have many things in life we’d like to do but don’t.
So Here’s what you do
- I’d like you all to create a list of 20 things you’d like to try, or you keep telling yourself you’re going to do, but never do because it’s out of your comfort zone.
- Every day for the next 20 days, tick one item off that list by taking the action. Some will be super-easy, some will be a bit more of a challenge. Most will take no time at all.
AND THAT’S IT!
It’s so deceptively simple, it’s easy for people to cast it aside saying ‘I’ve vaguely tried something like this before’. But I know for a fact that almost nobody has ever had the courage to stick through 20 consecutive days of unfamiliar territory.
At the end of 20 days, if you aren’t feeling a LOT more confident in yourself than ever before, then be proud of yourself for trying something new and write me an email. However I haven’t had a single man or woman take this challenge on in the last 3 years and tell me it didn’t have a huge impact on their self-confidence and the control they felt over their lives. Many even had close friends and relatives ask them what’s happened to make them so much more confident.