As Players and men, we meet and date a lot of beautiful women. That’s a given.
On Way of the Player we talk a lot about how to get beautiful women interested but what we rarely address is how to actually leave things when it is time for both of you to part ways.
Some guys believe that this doesn’t matter. Many men think that the terms upon which a break up occurs is irrelevant because the big issue there is whether the break-up actually occurs or not.
There is usually so much insecurity and raw emotion involved in a break-up that people tend to say things that they didn’t really mean and they later regret. Or they pretend to be someone meaner and harsher than they are, in order to solidify their stance on things.
It’s when a break takes this path that things get ugly. People go into self-preservation mode and try to nurture their ego through feelings of rejection and inadequacy.
When you are getting dumped it often feels like the other person is indifferent. It feels like the break-up is easy for them and they don’t understand your pain.
But the truth is, unless they are devoid of basic human emotions, a break-up is a difficult process for them as well. It’s often as hard for them to be strong during that time as it is for you to be strong.
So what’s the bottom line here?
Be the bigger man.
If a girl you are seeing believes firmly that it’s time for things to come to an end. Don’t fight them. Help them through it.
She’s already made up her mind, she’s going to end things anyway. But by taking this approach rather than a defensive insecure approach, you are going to have a lot more control in the situation. Also, she’s a lot more likely to reconsider if you show your true value during this time and surprise her.
If you do what every other guy she’s dumped has done and carry on like a four year old that just had his favorite toy taken away from him, you are only going to show your ugly side. And she is just going to ‘dig in’ because you are only solidying her decision with your actions.
Instead, be pragmatic with her. When she tells you it’s not working out, don’t beg or plead with her. Ask her if she’s sure then tell her you respect her decision and you hope she finds what she’s looking for.
Wishing someone well who has just emotionally threatened us may seem like a very difficult thing to do. But the moment you take the higher path and forgive them for their fragility and ignorance, you are suddenly able to take pride, ‘a positive’ out of a situation which would normally generate a lot of negativity.
The same goes for if you want to break up with a girl and in her anger she calls you horrible names and does things to try and hurt you. Don’t get mad. Take the time to understand the true source of her frustration. Acknowledge this typical behavior for what it is but don’t accept it.
Tell her, I understand that you feel hurt, but I want us both to be happy and I’ve realized that there is no way that we can make each other happy. As much as I might miss you, I think deep down you know that it’s time to move on.
She will probably tell you to ‘f#$@ off!’ but it doesn’t matter, as long as you are kind, genuine and supportive about it, when the dust settles and she calms down, she will respect you for it and you will allow her to keep her pride intact.
Make The Women You Date Better People
Have you ever known someone who made you feel like you are a better person for having known them?
Perhaps they taught you a valuable life skill, or they provided some valuable wisdom in a time when you needed guidance.
Have you ever thought that perhaps you may have been that very person to someone else during your lifetime? Furthermore, that you could actually be that person to just about everyone that you get to know?
That doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to be a teacher to everyone either, sometimes you can affect people in a profound way just by being a diligent student. You can inspire others with your integrity and with your courage.
This is the effect that you should have on the women that you date. Whether it be only briefly or for several years, if and when you eventually part ways with that woman, you should leave her a better person. More confident, more open-minded, better socially adjusted.
As a Player you will strive to be the best possible man that you can be, but it doesn’t just stop at you either. Part of being the best that you can be means that you help others to grow and evolve in the same way that you have, you have a responsibility to use your powers to make the universe a better place, one individual at a time.
This is one of the reasons why it is so important to be ‘challenging’ as a Player. Not only because it is very attractive to women but also because many women are never challenged by men in a way that encourages them to be better people.
When men complain about beautiful women being spoiled or bitches or stuck-up, they should realize that most of these women are simply a product of their environment. Because most guys tell them what they think they want to hear rather than what they need to hear.
These women go on living in a world without true accountability because there are not enough influential people pushing them to be better people.
When you are in a relationship with a girl, you are in a position of direct influence and what exactly that influence is depends on you.
If your influence is that of a needy, clingy. apologetic guy then your influence will most likely be negative and she will probably be even worse off personality-wise than when you found her.
If however, your influence is that of a strong, confident and challenging man then irrelevant of how you found her, she wont be able to help but be affected by you in a positive way and because of that you have done a good thing for the world.
All the things that you find annoying in beautiful women, you dealt with to the best of your ability on an individual level. Because of you, there is a better person in the world, someone who is more likely to spread joy and positivity rather than sadness and negativity.
Think about it. You have the opportunity to add a truly noble agenda to your dating and sex life. You could make every sexual relationship a positive experience regardless of whether you part ways or not because you influenced another human being in a positive way.
This philosophy even works for brief sexual encounters.
For example. Why do guys say that they’re going to call when they have no intention of ever calling?
If you don’t feel like turning it into something more why not just say, “This was great, I hope you had fun. Have a nice life”
If you never promised her anything more when you took her home you don’t owe her anything than the pleasant experience that you just shared. Why over-complicate things?
If you enjoyed it, then tell her so. If you would like to do it again, tell her so but don’t turn something positive into something negative by lying. This doesn’t help you or her.
Be honest and think of the bigger picture. Don’t spread distrust and anger, spread honesty and joy. Leave women better than you find them. Help them grow into better people.
Once you take on-board this new ethos the way people enter and leave your life will change completely and you will find that the world is suddenly a much kinder place.
Give women the gift of your positive influence.