Inner Game: Simplify and Apply Effort
“Game”, social dynamics, psychology, reading minds, anticipating behavior…this all seems like pretty complicated stuff. Well it is.
BUT, it doesn’t mean you can’t simplify some things for your own benefit (and in the end, hers). They say you gotta “go back to the basics” in various challenges in life. This goes for a shooting-slump in basketball, giving a presentation, job interview…everything that requires effort! There must be something to that phrase.
And of course, you have to realize that you can only do so much. She could be crazy, she could be emotional, she may have had a bad day…but you can’t control stuff like that. And the rest more or less hinges on luck and timing.
So where are we at?
Has your dad, teacher, counselor or creepy uncle Lloyd ever gotten really pissed at you for a lack of effort even if the results were solid?
How about a girlfriend who says “You just don’t get it” or “Why do I have to tell you everything?” and even “forget it, you won’t understand anyways.”
Yes, you fucked up somewhere. You might have left a deuce in the toilet, you might have forgotten to separate burnables with non-burnables…but she’s not that mad about all that. And neither is Uncle Lloyd. The issue is regarding your passion, determination and effort. Randy Moss was an incredible athlete and talent, but the constant criticism about him was that he didn’t go 100% on every play. If he did, he probably would have gotten away with more of his antics. Make her feel special and you’ll be getting plenty of free passes on the smaller issues in life (toilet seat is up, you didn’t call when you finished work, you ate half of that premium chive cream cheese in one sitting), which then gives you more time to cultivate a great relationship…or get a new one started.
Ignore the fact that there are plenty of crazy women. Getting caught up in the fucked up rationale of a person who doesn’t know how to cultivate a relationship is a waste of your time so do not use that person as an example for this article.
Effort in Relationships
So she’s upset and you have no idea why. There has been no other incidents of cheating, social media antics…nothing. So what is her deal?
Now, effort can be construed in many ways. To the layman, effort is “always doing something 110%.” Which to us, it means it’s a big pain in the ass.
Dave Chappelle said it best:
“I’ll be sitting there, watching TV, chilling and shit. My old lady come up to me and says,
“David, we need to talk.”
I don’t say that out loud. That’s how I feel inside. Because I know every time we need to talk, we need to talk about some shit that I gotta do. We don’t ever have to talk about anything *she* needs to do.”
That’s the initial defense mechanism for a man: “So YOU haven’t done anything wrong all this time?” or “Why do I gotta change all the time?” Be the bigger person and don’t go that route because that’s the beginning of the end of a relationship.
I know it sounds corny, but in the end, your girl just wants to feel exclusive. She wants to feel like you are thinking about her, that she has something that others don’t.
How to give effort:
– Send flowers to the office/home on a random weekday
– Text her that you are thinking about her
– Mention future plans (Women love the prospect of the relationship being taken to the next level)
– Go meet her at work on a day that surprises her
Those are very basic examples, but you’ll be amazed at how much ROI (return on investment) you get. And said investment is just a little bit of planning and execution…if you can spend hours with a vaporizer and some sheets of bubble wrap, you can have flowers sent to an office.
Look, girls can be very simple and very complicated at the same time…so quench the “simple” thirst with simple activities. If things like this will make her happy (during the day and of course in the sack), why the hell not? In no way am I diminishing the expectations of a female by saying we just need to do some little stuff to keep them happy. The little things are what they feed off of…and the little things pile up too. Want to try anal? Won’t happen if you’re in the dog house and she’s not feeling loved.
“Effort” in Dating
Interestingly enough, in dating, the “effort” needs to be under the guise of “nonchalant.” Because texting a girl “I’m thinking about you” after Dispicable Me 2 is just creepy. She want SOME attention though.
This is where we can start simplifying.
“Effort” in Dating:
– Texting. Yes, the act of just willingly interacting with somebody counts because you are going out of your way (or she’s going out of hers) to talk.
– Meeting up. As simple as it sounds, people forget that people go out with people to find out more about them. It doesn’t necessarily mean that things will go well, but there is SOMETHING there. She/he could have stayed at home and lit up a blunt right?
So you now have two parameters to judge your situation with. The beauty of this is that the effort put into meeting up and texting is all you really need to gauge interest. Is she texting often? Every 2 days? Is she always available when you try to meet up? Or does she vaguely commit and flake?
Keep in mind that while stripping away any extenuating circumstances, actions speak louder than words. If she’s texting that’s good, if she’s always available to meet up, that’s great. If none of that is happening, she obviously is not putting that much effort into this.
There are extenuating circumstances in every single situation, ever. Daddy issues, trauma, irrationality, un-approving friends…but we can’t control those for the most part. So let’s embrace what we CAN control – and thats doing our part.
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