I Wanted To Become Hank Moody

Hunter’s journey to become like Hank Moody

Ever since I first got my very own home PC at the age of 13, I have been addicted to porn…

Ever since I looked up my first bit of sleaze on the internet with the door bolted shut and my tissue box out. I have repeated this ritual just about every day since, often more than once in one day.

At first I just thought it was natural, that everyone looked at porn as much as I did. Then after awhile I started to realize that I was so addicted to porn I wasn’t even trying to meet girls to have sex for real. Porn just always seemed easier.

It wasn’t until I first flicked on the tv and saw Hank Moody in Californication that I really started to think, damn. Maybe I’m missing out on something really good here, maybe there is a lesson or two I can learn from Hank Moody.

Hank Moody was just the coolest cat I had ever seen, he was so chilled out and so good with beautiful women it just made me think, do guys like Hank Moody really exist? I’d never met anyone that good before; when I was in high-school there seemed to be some guys that got a lot of girls but they were nothing like Hank Moody.

Those jocks didn’t have an ounce of the style and personality of Hank Moody, they were just dumb and good-looking enough that none of that mattered but when I looked at myself in the mirror I realized I couldn’t even talk either, I was even less like Hank Moody than those guys, I wasn’t even in the ball-park.

“I was the opposite of Hank Moody”

I liked video games and junk food, I was overweight and I lived with my Mom, I was unemployed and I had no natural skills or talents. At age 19 I had nothing going for me, I was a loser and I had never had sex or a girlfriend, I had never even come close. I was the opposite of Hank Moody.

That’s when I decided I needed to break my addiction to porn if I ever wanted to be like Hank Moody, I needed to go cold turkey from it.

When I talk about porn addiction, I think a lot of dudes would probably be like, whatever, try smoking or drugs, those are real addictions.

They are, that’s true but I smoked a lot during high school and I’ve experimented with a few different drugs and I have never found anything to be as addictive as Choking the Chicken.

Thing is… I tried just giving up porn, or cutting down but then I would start trying to jerk it and the images in my head were not enough to get me off so I just ended up going back to the porn evertime.

So, if I wanted to get myself motivated to make some changes and start working harder at being good at life, I didn’t just need to quit watching porn I needed to give up flogging the dolphin altogether and that is harder than it sounds when you consider it was like a ritual for me and asides from a few nights I had stayed over at friends places I had never gone without it.

“Hank Moody didn’t just sit around Buffing the Wood”

I had a goal, I wanted to be like Hank Moody at any cost and I knew that Hank Moody didn’t just sit around Buffing the Wood he got out there and had real sex with real beautiful women and I needed to do the same if I wanted to make a change for the better.

The first week was the hardest, I couldn’t sleep, it was that bad. Every night of my life the last thing I did before I went to bed was Hone my Bone and then I would feel sleepy enough to pass out.

All I could think about was whacking it and it took just about all my inner strength to stop myself from Hitching to Heaven, so I just rolled on my stomach with my hands under my pillow and waited for sleep to come.

The second week I was starting to get used to it, I was able to sleep better, I had had a few killer hard-ons, my pecker had gotten so hard it could cut diamonds all I could do was try and put my attention elsewhere, I started using my bench press and started jogging.

Hank Moody isn’t massively buff but he isn’t fat either, so as part of my plan to become like Hank Moody I needed to do something about my ugly gut so I would at least get a decent body.

I had a lot of testosterone floating around in my body all of a sudden, I had been jerking it all out before but now that I stopped Popping the Purple Pimple I had a lot more energy all of a sudden like sometimes I actually just felt like breaking stuff for no reason, it’s pretty amazing just how much of an affect testosterone has on your body and mind.

“I started a new routine, a Hank Moody routine”

I started a new routine, a Hank Moody routine, instead of Polishing my Knob every day I was doing cardio and weights and I was looking for work, it wasn’t too long before I found a job at an abattoir of all places and my Mom got off my back.

If you want to give up Greasing your Pipe then get a job at an abattoir the stuff you will see there will kill your horny faster than Susan Boyle in a wet t-shirt contest, whenever I would feel the tingly urge coming on to Slap the Salami I would just picture a cow getting skinned and gutted and then it would go as soft as a puppy and I would fight the urge away.

My Hank Moody routine was working pretty great, I had a job, I was beginning to get a harder body but I still needed to diet more to lose the pounds and I finally had some money to go buy some new threads.

I didn’t want to buy too many clothes at this point because I knew that I would lose more weight and then they probably wouldn’t fit me anymore but I could start to look the part a bit more and it wouldn’t cost me a fortune.

So I went to the hair dressers at my local mall, it was called Valerio’s or something Italian like that and I told the hair dresser that I wanted a Hank Moody haircut and he gave me a Hank Moody haircut or as close as he could get to it with my hair.

Then I went to Old Navy with a picture I had of Hank Moody and I shopped around until I got some Hank Moody jeans and a Hank Moody t-shirt.

I didn’t really look exactly like Hank Moody yet, maybe if Hank Moody spent a lot of time in doors and eating hot pockets but it was much better than what I was wearing before.

I had been out of work for over eight months and I hadn’t bought new clothes that entire time, I got some clothes for Christmas sure, but these were clothes that my grandparents and my aunties thought were cool, not beautiful women who were my own age.

I started getting compliments straight away so I figure, I’m onto a good thing here and I keep at it, working harder and harder to lose the weight and start looking like I did when I was 15 years old, when I actually used to get a bit of attention from girls before I let myself go.

2 months later and here I am, I’m in great shape, I still don’t look exactly like Hank Moody but I kept the Hank Moody haircut and the Hank Moody Jeans and so far they have been working well for me.

Recently I started going out with friends from school I hadn’t seen in years and I tried acting and talking like Hank Moody when I was out and beautiful women were actually responding to me, I’m still no-where as smooth as Hank Moody, my voice crackles sometimes when I talk to girls but I think that getting in shape and getting a look that works for me has given me a lot of confidence that I never had before.

“I think to myself, what would Hank Moody do?”

It’s like Hank Moody is my centre, if I’m ever in doubt when I’m out I think to myself, what would Hank Moody do? And then I do that.

I still haven’t shined my pole since I gave it up and I haven’t been laid yet either so my balls are as blue as cobalt but I have gotten a lot of girls phone numbers and I am getting better constantly. Each time I approach and chat up a new girl I get a bit closer to having sex and getting a girlfriend and I’m cool with that, I’m in no hurry.

It’s sure helped a lot being able to get inside Hank Moody’s head by reading a lot of the material on here, you guys really seem to know what makes him tick and I found those articles helpful so I just want to thank your writers for putting that together.

If you do decide to publish this and I hope you do, I will be sending you another one soon when I finally get laid and then I will really feel like Hank Moody.

Thanks and peace out.

By Hunter

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