If you’re a nice guy and you have been in love before then chances are at some time in your life, you have been on the receiving end of the ‘lets just be friends’ speech.
You have liked a girl and you have been there for her through thick and thin, listened to her problems and listened to her complain about all the assholes she’s dated and you’ve probably heard her say something along the lines of “Why are men such dicks? Why can’t I meet a nice guy?” and you sit there thinking to yourself, “Hey, I’m a nice guy and I’m right here! Is this her way of telling me that she secretly wants me too?”
Most women don’t even realise how much this can screw with a nice guys head because feminem attraction is triggered primarily by an ‘emotional stimuli’ whilst male attraction is triggered primarily by a ‘physical stimuli’; we don’t understand why they wouldn’t be feeling the same attraction towards us that we feel towards them because men and women approach love and seduction differently.
This is why straight men often have difficulty being close friends with beautiful women without feeling sexual attraction on some level but women can be friends with an otherwise very physically attractive guy without having any sexual attraction whatsoever.
The sad reality is more often than not young beautiful women are meeting nice friendly guys all the time but even though they know these guys would treat them well and make them happier and better adjusted than most of the bad boys they meet, unfortunately they are innately hardwired to often feel attraction for men who predominantly fall into the asshole category.
These are the kind of guys who ignore them and take them for granted and cheat on them and women know this and they hate it yet some of them feel powerless and find themselves succumbing to bad boy charms again and again.
When they are complaining about having so much trouble finding a nice guy they are really complaining about always falling for the bad ones because the reality is there are plenty of nice guys around but most of them are not Player’s and they don’t know how to reguarly attract beautiful women.
So what we are going to be looking at now is the minority of nice guys that actually DO get the girls, the minority that girls find and never want to let go because they arouse them in all the good ways the bad boys do but without giving them all the bullshit that normally comes with them; these men are Players.
You’re probably wondering what the difference is right?
Well, Players are men who are able to attract lots of women because they are sexy, charming men, they don’t lie or deceive them to get into their pants, they are proud of who they are and confident in their abilities (see The 10 pillars of the modern Player).
Players love and respect women and value honesty and integrity above all else, they are attractive nice guys who are also sexy, they are the most sought after and valued commodity in the dating world and people respect and admire them.
Sounds nice right?
So why would women want anything other than that? Why do we see these dishonest, sleazy, arrogant, cruel lowlifes with such nice beautiful girls who are way to good for them?
Well the answer is simple, they are challenging and they are confident.
Many women find nice guys boring because they’re easy to get, easy to keep, they have reasonable expectations and listen to them.
They are perfect marriage material, on paper they look great but most young women aren’t looking for the guy they want to marry they’re looking for the guy they want to date and have fun with and more often than not, beautiful women have the most fun when they’re being challenged.
If you’re a competitive person you’ve no doubt played sport or video games at some point in your life and have definately played some pretty easy opponents and beat them easily right?
You may have felt a bit satisfied but after beating them time after time but after the first few times it gets a bit boring and pointless until you face an opponent who is suddenly difficult and challenging, then the game becomes exciting again and you want to win!
When you actually do win after a challenging game, the satisfaction you feel is so much greater because you are instantly filled with a profound sense of achievement and self worth.
This is how women feel when they tame a bad boy but the reality is because the bad boy is probably going to keep being bad they are just going to keep chasing that feeling and keep trying to find the good in him and thinking their love can change him and so rather than winning quickly and getting that satisfaction and moving on, they keep persisting and investing more of themselves in him until something eventually gives them the strength to move on.
The emotion and time these women invest into these assholes makes it really hard for some girls to walk away, even though they know he’s bad. So like a lamb to the slaughter they keep coming back to assured misery through unbelievable bullshit and leave nice guys pulling their hair in frustration.
Fortunately there is a way to right this very tragic social wrong and that is for nice guys to learn how to be cool, confident and challenging and subsequently make the dating world a nicer place.
So how do I become challenging and confident?
Well the first thing you need to do is get control over your gynaphobia (fear of women), all men have this to some degree but some have it much worse than others. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you fear all women but rather the perceived social status associated with ‘certain’ women you might consider to be to good for you.
A lot of ‘nice guys’ are afraid of approaching the insanely hot girls because they tell themselves they aren’t good enough and most of the time this is reinforced by assholes putting nice guys down. Assholes are a lot less likely to be intimidated by beautiful women because they don’t respect them and only want to exploit them for sex, their predatory nature restricts them from empathising with the women they are treating badly.
Now we don’t want to stop respecting women because that would also make you an Asshole as well but what we do want you to take out of this is, stop worrying about ‘being good enough’ and get out of the bad habit of thinking about girls in terms of perceived status in comparison to our own perceived status. i.e. “She’s out of my league man!”
Who created these leagues? Who regulates them?
There is no such thing, it’s just asshole propaganda to ensure that beautiful women keep dating assholes.
Beautiful girls go out somewhere hoping to meet a nice, cool guy but none of them chat them up because they’re all so intimidated by their beauty and think the girl could probably do better, so all these poor hotties are left with is the assholes.
The only way these women will start meeting these nice, attractive guys is if they stop being so afraid of them because no girl wants to date a pussy. Women need to feel like their men can protect them and aren’t afraid of anything and have complete emotional stability to counter their emotional instability. This allows them to look up to you and respect you as a man and women enjoy being proud of their men.
You should also be aware that there will be a lot of Assholes who want the beautiful women for themselves and they aren’t always just going to let you mosey on up and take them they are going to try and challenge you.
Much like gorillas in the rainforest will beat their chest and throw grass in he air to ward off competing males, assholes will generally make a smartass comment or even try and intimidate you but if you want to be the silverback that gets all the she-gorilla pussy then you can’t let these guys phase you; learn a martial art if you need too but don’t let yourself get bettered by an asshole, if you’re reading and absorbing this then you’re probably smarter than most of them in the first place anyway so it shouldn’t be too hard (read How to handle competing Alpha males)
If you have enough courage to talk to the girls you really honestly want (and not the contingency prize) then you need to make sure you don’t become her best friend.
You may have come across straight guys who pretend to be gay and always have heaps of pretty girls around them, well these guys are pathetic assholes and the only way they’ll get anywhere is if they actually continue this pathetic charade until they catch a girl when she is most vulnerable.
Either way, it is the last thing you should do and a fine example of what you want to steer clear of because it is sacrificing your masculinity for the sake of fake connectivity.
Make sure you are always the man when chatting up a beautiful woman, never forget your role. You need to be a man who makes her feel like a woman.
She can be the pretty one, you want to be the manly one; women want to fuck men not boys.
If you want to be challenging to a girl you need to be true to yourself and what you want and don’t try too hard to please her, we call this remonstrance. If she likes something that you don’t, don’t pretend to like it for the sake of making a fake connection, don’t tell her it’s shit or stupid either but rather just be interested and ask her well thought out questions about her hobby to show your interest is genuine. For example.
Him: So what are your interests?
Her: I like ballet.
Him: Hmm… Well it’s not my cup of tea but I’m a bit curious.
Her: Oh really? How so.
Him: Why don’t you tell me what you like about it first then I’ll tell you why I’m curious.
This is a simple example of being challenging because you’re not kissing her ass and telling her that she is incredible and beautiful and you always secretly wanted to dance the Swan Princess blah blah blah… But rather you’re being independent, inquisitive and taking control of the conversation without dominating it, you are showing her that you are interested in her mind and personality and her looks arent enough to win you over.
When she starts to show interest you want to play a bit hard to get, don’t over do it by throwing your drink in her face and storming out of the bar or anything like that but rather hold back from telling her how beautiful and amazing she is until you have already won her and she is naked on your bed.
You need to make her work for your approval and praise; never give it easily, otherwise it becomes cheap and meaningless.
You also have to assume the role of leader; don’t wait for her to make the move, remember that you are the man, that is your job.
You’re the one who goes for the kiss, you’re the one who invites her back home and you’re the one who intiates sex; if she does it first, great, no problem! But hesitating in striking while the iron is hot is akin to accidentally farting on her, if you screw up the moment by being a pussy, she will feel awkward for both of you and look for a way out.
Anyone who tells you, “you need to be an asshole to get women” really doesn’t know very much about women at all and will just end up looking like a tool, be the nice guy you are but don’t be a pushover.
You can be a nice guy and attract women but you need to have the right attitude and not be afraid to go after what you want and above all, always be true, both to her and yourself because if you lie to get pussy then you didn’t earn it and you’ll pay for it in the long run.
If you are able to develop the self-confidence and willingness to be challenging and forthright, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to get girls like a bad boy and still retain your nice qualities. Just remember, beautiful women want an attractive man, nothing more, nothing less.
If you are interested in discussing this further, click here