Have you ever felt helpless and emasculated in a social situation?
Most men have at least once in our lives, we have questioned our own ability to stand up for what we believe in or protect the ones we love because we have come across an ‘alpha male’ or group of ‘alpha men’ who made us feel small and weak; there are some men who feel this way on a day to day basis.
For some this may be a result of never having a masculine role model, for most however, it derives from a lack of environmental neccesity; we don’t need to be 7 feet tall and bulging with muscles and testoserone to survive in this world, we can afford to be a bit affeminem and still attract beautiful women but that doesn’t mean a masculine edge doesn’t help your game, a lot.
Some men who have trouble portraying masculinity don’t even realise they have a problem until it is pointed out by other people, they felt and believed they were masculine and assertive within themselves, however, when it came to projecting this to other people (namely women) they prove indadequate and it affects their success rates with women.
When addressing a solution to fixing these habits the first thing to consider here is what factors actually constitute our projection of masculinity and assertiveness.
To explain this we are going to highlight the five most emprical measures of masculinity and put them into the five most important categories, they are. Posture, gestures, facial expression, tone and physical prowess’. We will then elaborate on how you can improve on each and in doing so become an alpha male yourself.
The position of the limbs or the carriage of the body. Or simplified, how we stand.
Having a good posture is imperative to portraying an air of confidence. Alan Pease a world renowned expert on body language details in many of his writings on body language and posture, that when someone is standing up straight with their arms comfortably by their side, they are fundamentally opening themselves to attack from others, in particular to protect our vital organs and genitals.
Millions of years have caused us to evolve this once necessary behaviour and you will notice that more powerful man will often appear fearless because they are confident enough in their social status’ of dominance that no-one would dare to attack them, therefore there is no need to protectively slump and protect their genitals and vital organs from attack.
A strong posture portraying confidence is not just select to men either, in women; confident women will often hold their shoulders back and keep their spine straight to effectively make a display of their prominent breasts which sends a subliminal message to men of sexual availability and fertility.
If you are interested in improving your posture one essential thing to know is that muscle has a memory and with practice and stretching exercises the muscles of your shoulders, neck and back can effectively straighten the spine to a certain extent. If you are someone who spends a lot of time at a computer for instance some examples of basic changes you can make would be.
-Buying an ergonomically friendly chair (a chair that supports your spine)
-Ensuring that the top of the computer monitor is level with your eyes.
-Keeping your thighs level with the floor.
If you are someone who suffers from very bad posture we would advise you see a chiropractor and ask him to supply you with a list of exercises you can do to improve your posture (perhaps work it into your gym routine) because to continue with bad posture or do activities that cause bad posture you are condemning yourself to be subconciously recognised by others as weak and deformed.
Now taking into account the importance of physical touch and confident self-expression in seduction, it is important to understand that there is nothing wrong with having prominent hand movements and gestures as long they are firm and masculine.
Studies have shown that the use of such hand gestures can often be culturally related. For example, men from Mediterranean regions are much more likely to be flamboyant in their hand gestures and physical interaction than men from Northern European regions who tend to be more wooden.
Now this doesn’t mean that men from Mediterranean regions are more feminin than men from Northern regions, it just implies that there are less social conventions in place preventing them from being open and loose with their hand movements and touching.
This often leads to cultural misunderstandings due to mistaken sexual advances.
When men of any creed use their hands to communicate, the gestures they use should always be strong and firm, not limp wristed and girly. Some men have difficulty telling the difference and if you are concerned that you are one of these men, a very useful way to improve this is to sit down and watch a political debate on you tv or computer and watch how the male politicians use their hands to communicate.
Most high ranking professional politicians are actually schooled in body language because the image they present in public is vital to their success as a politician.
For example. One movement you may notice is the karate chop action they make when they are trying to stress a point, when you look out for these things it actually becomes quite comical to watch because people subconsciously use gestures such as these in everyday conversation without paying any attention to it.
With hand movements one trap that a lot of men who spend time around women will fall into is what we call mirroring wherein someone lacking confidence and self-assurance will begin to subconsciously copy the actions of the person they are trying to gain favour from in order to appear more accepting of them and make themselves seem less challenging and unfamiliar.
If you are a man who is good at conversing and socialising with beautiful women but always gets stuck in the ‘friends category’ then you are most likely guilty of mirroring behaviour.
This is another instance where you should be mindful with mirroring, do it a little bit and you might seem less threatening, do it too much and you’re her bitch.
I’m sure most of you reading this would be aware of the importance of smiling in seduction and how it puts women at ease and sets a good precedent for seduction; this is because you are actually striving to make the object of your seduction mirror your action and simultaneously place them in a more relaxed and cheerful frame of mind.
When it comes down to facial expressions and portraying masculinity and assertiveness the most important thing to remember is eye contact for humans and animals is our most fundamental and instinctive measure of dominance and if not controlled it will subliminally reveal your insecurity to women and men alike.
When researchers are studying gorillas in the wild one of the first things they are warned against is looking these primates in the eyes. The reason being that if you do this to one of these majestic animals then they will see this as a threat and a challenge to their self perceived status and the natural order of things; they will most likely either throttle you or submit to you.
In this liberal age it is unlikely that many women will admit to liking dominant men and tend to praise qualities like ‘sensitivity’ and ‘kindness’ but the truth of the matter is they can’t fight millions of years of evolution and will always feel a degree of instinctive attraction towards powerful alpha males.
This is why many beautiful women develop infatuations with ‘bad boy types’ (read “How to be cool like a nice guy but sexy like a bad boy”) who make their own rules and don’t submit to anyone, they’re biologically hardwired to feel attracted to them.
Although these men are more likely to treat these women badly, they can’t argue with their instincts and these dominant (alpha male) characters will most often find it much easier attract mates than their submissive counterparts.
You will rarely ever see an alpha male shying away from eye contact with a man or woman who has met his eyes and if you wish to appear masculine and assertive then neither should you, especially if it’s a beautiful women who’s open to seduction.
This doesn’t mean staring down your target girl licking your lips like some recently paroled sex offender but rather maintaining eye contact for a long enough period to indicate to them that you are not fearful or submissive. If you feel that it is time to break eye contact it is also important to consider ‘how’ you break that eye contact. If you make eye contact then look straight down and away then this is a sign of submissiveness and shyness; if you make eye contact then stare up to the ceiling and away then this is a sign of disinterest and discomfort.
The best way to break eye contact is to look to one side perhaps to talk briefly to a friend and then return one or more fleeting glances to re-establish eye contact before approaching.
Numerous studies have proven time and time again that the majority of women are naturally attracted to men with deep voices, one recent study by researchers at Aberdeen University actually discovered that the higher pitched the woman’s own voice the more they preferred deeper masculine voices. This is why clinically obese aesthetically repugnant men such as Barry White can be considered sex symbols in contemporary society.
The fact of the matter is, women naturally find deep male voices sexy and if you don’t have a particuarly deep voice you’re probably wondering what you can do about fixing that.
Well luckily there is a method commonly used by singers that was developed to allow them to permanently alter the depth of their voice through a vocal exercise which helps them to mold their larynx over time in order to achieve a permanent desirable tone, we have listed this exercise below.
Slowly say the alphabet in your normal voice letter by letter.
Then say it again but this time try and drop down ONE note (don’t expect to go straight from Fran Drescher to Barry it is a gradual process)
Repeat this a few times until you get as low as you can go and try and speak with the lowest comfortable voice that feels natural.
You will now find that you are able to speak comfortably in a noticeably lower tone, practice holding that comfortable low tone for some time after.
Try and picture vocal chords like the muscles in your body if you spend enough time stretching them then over time you will be able to reach new comfortable lengths.
Spend about 10-20 minutes practicing this exercise every night and over time your voice will deepen naturally and you will be able to maintain a lower tone in social settings.
After enough time spent speaking in this lower tone it will eventually become a permanent adjustment and you now have a deep sexy voice that will make any red blooded girl melt when she hears it.
Although masculinity can not solely be attributed to the size of your muscels we couldn’t really finish an article on developing a masculine edge, without devling into the benifits of building muscle.
Women have and always will be attracted to men with big defined muscles, however most women have a threshold with this and find men such as bodybuilders who are overly muscular physically repulsive but as long as you don’t get into steroids you should be pretty safe.
In order to get a masculine edge it is vital that you at least give off the appearance of masculinity, you can have the deepest voice, the strongest gestures, the straightest posture but as long as you look like you could be blown over by a strong gust of wind you will really struggle to compete for dominance with the strong well built alphas.
When it comes to portraying masculinity and assertiveness it is very much aesthetic, the reason being because first impressions count and will ultimately affect the way you are perceived by others and if you can attract a girl initially through displaying this kind of alpha behaviour it is a lot easier and quicker than trying to portray attractive alpha behaviour without the congruence of your physical impression.
We are now going to move on to the attitude and theory based side of this issue by exploring the concept of the alpha male and the steps involved in becoming one.
Understanding and becoming alpha
In the animal Kingdom, the alpha male of a pack of animals generally possesses the greatest attributes to ensure his survival, such as speed, strength, intelligence etc.
Possessing these superior attributes in relation to other males will automatically place this gifted male in a position of leadership and power; an alpha male has little fear of rivals and defends his position of power aggressively until he is eventually challenged and defeated by a rising alpha male in the pack.
Females of a pack of animals will automatically be attracted to the alpha male of the pack because by mating with the alpha male she is increasing the chances of her own offspring possessing dominant traits and therefore surviving.
In the modern human dating world the traditional traits of the alpha male have changed to reflect modern changes in civilisation. For example, the desire for a powerful hunter to provide nourishment has been replaced by the merit of wealth obtained through intellectual or material pursuits.
Most women in the modern world will now look more fondly on a handsome slightly built neurosurgeon than they would upon a rough looking solid built lumber yard worker and this is because by choosing the neurosurgeon they are choosing the man more likely to be a better provider, ultimately ensuring a better chance of certain survival for any offspring they have.
Humans are conditioned through evolution to react to social pressures around them in a subjective mindframe.
For example, if you go to school and are bullied by other children it is very unlikely you will develop an alpha mindframe because you are conditioned to avoid conflict for self preservation. It is therefore unlikely you will get the hottest (alpha) girls giving you the time of day because they are focused on the alpha males of the schoolyard.
Even when two traditionally alpha males encounter each other it is often common practice for a kind of conscious social challenge to take place often in the form of a mild insult (sledging) or primitive display of masculinity (chest out chin up, challenging).
When two Alpha males encounter each other there are two possible outcomes
1. An alliance wherein Alpha superiority will ultimately be established over time.
2. A conflict wherein violence, verbal taunting or indirect taunting will most likely ensue and eventually revolve around a permanent feud between the two competing Alpha’s
Or in the instance where there is no perceived direct threat.
3. Indifference or neutrality
Fortunately we have the ability to use our intelligence to over-rule these primitive displays of superiority, otherwise body builders would be running the entire world, not just California.
What we offer at Way of the player is the training to overcome these pre-conditioned subjective responses to allow you to bring out the Alpha male in you which has always been waiting your whole life for the opportunity to be liberated (see “How to deal with competing Alpha males“)
If you have the willingness and the drive to become masculine and alpha, the right attitude, then you can get started today it is just a matter of being willing to go after what you want and taking the steps necessary to start being the kind of guy you want to be.
For more information on the role perceived masculinity plays in attraction and seduction please visit http://www.abdn.ac.uk/psychology/people/details/l.debruine