The Player’s Guide To Flirting

Man flirting with woman

Have you ever found yourself liking a girl but you haven’t been sure how to show interest in her without embarrassing yourself in the process and making things awkward?

If you are like the vast majority of men out there without the innate ability to read the minds of women then this has probably been an anxious subject for you at some point in the past.

The battle of wits and superiority which takes place between a desirable person and their potential suitor is a process which all sexually active adults must eventually navigate  in order to get both sexual and emotional gratification.

This process is otherwise known as flirtation and has been a crucial and vital part of our social lives since we first realized we appreciated lady parts but this battle of wits isn’t quite so hazardous once you understand the battle field.

In order to master the art of flirting and seduce beautiful women, you first need to understand what flirting is and that help you understand how to flirt.

What is flirting?

Flirtation is a series of small reciprocal social tests performed by a man or woman in order to test the value of the person trying to seduce them. It can consist of touching, body language and conversation.

If a man does not notice or understand the subtle body language a woman is conveying in order to attract him then he is unlikely to approach her because he is unsure of himself or shy, indicating that he is of a low value and fundamentally ‘unworthy’.

However, a ‘worthy’ high value man will approach a larger array of women based on much subtler and vaguer flirtations because he is confident that they will be willing to reciprocate his proactive flirtations.

A key to understanding flirtation is being bold and not erring on the side of caution – when you think you have seen a signal send something back to test it out, and that way you will know if you were right or not one way or the other. This is why bold, confident, men quickly learn to decode flirting signals as they far more often ‘speak the language’ as they are more comfortable in starting the conversation and getting the requisite practice under their belt.

If your attempt at flirting has been rejected this is not always a stop sign and may just be a speed hump, you can either persevere until you get a positive response or if you are certain your flirts are not welcome you can always take your attentions elsewhere.

A Player knows the value of persisting beyond where weaker men would give up, however knowing when to quit is also important so you don’t end up being just another annoying guy buzzing around.

Where do I draw the line?

Flirting can be broadly categorised as either complimentary flirting such as telling a girl about attractive qualities she has that you find desirable and it can also be in the form of a mild yet humorous insult otherwise known as flirting by teasing.

Now the complimentary side of flirting appears to be fairly simple and straight forward, it isn’t easy to repel someone by telling them something nice about themselves. But let’s discuss teasing-flirting and come back to this.

Teasing requires much more social intuition and subtlety as it is a far more aggressive approach designed to instigate a reaction through a demonstration of social power and dominance.

A good tease is performed by pushing the civilised boundaries of a person without causing them negative and personal insult and is perceived to have originated from a ‘good natured place’.

For example; if a girl was telling you that she failed her driver’s license test and you responded by telling her ‘You are a bad driver because you are stupid!’, she would likely be offended and reciprocate with an equally negative and harsh response, resulting in an escalation of negativity and insecurity and this would minimize the chances of a sexual encounter.

However; in the same scenario if you were to say to the girl ‘remind me never to get into a car with you’, you are teasing her humorously and therefore flirting.

She would be more likely to respond positively as you have created a ‘challenge’ rather than a personal insult. This distinction between teasing and insulting is vital for your success in flirting with women, and encapsulates an essential part of flirting. Women always complain that boys don’t challenge them but they never complain about Players not challenging them because Players understand the art of teasing flirting and now you will too.

Coming back to complimentary flirtation, while it appears to be far more straightforward than teasing flirtation you also need to be coming from the right headspace and with the correct delivery for this to work.

If you have ever seen a sleazy guy trying to get girls and he gives them compliments, you hopefully noticed that these compliments are rarely well received by beautiful women and that is because there is a distinction between sleezy compliments and genuine compliments.

A sleazy guy will usually drunkenly slur something like “Hey baby you look sooooo sexy, what’s your name?”, and maybe throw a wink in at the end.  The girl will understandably be repulsed and move away causing the sleaze to say something along the lines of, “What a bitch!”

Now a Player on the other hand would initially deliver a compliment about something less physical and sexual, such as. “I really like your style, nice shoes.” or “Wow you have an interesting vibe going on”

These compliments are less generic and set you apart from every other guy who’s basically complimenting her tits or her ass, your compliment also has to come from the right headspace; that is, confident and genuine. Get this down pat and your compliments will become meaningful and well received by beautiful women.

It also helps if you know how to be funny and you can incorporate humor into any tease and compliment you give during a seduction.

Why do we need flirting?

Flirting is just one of many mating strategies which have developed as a result of humans living in civilised society,  if flirting didn’t exist then there would be no social standards whatsoever when it came to choosing mates.

Imagine a world where the most physically powerful males would always get girls simply because they could take them by force, as a species we would likely just keep getting bigger and stronger but wouldn’t be getting any smarter.

Fortunately humans have developed intelligence as a species which enabled us in turn to develop society and civilisation; so we don’t live in a world where the physically superior always win.

Rather than mating patterns being determined solely by physical attributes alone, power, intelligence and perception have entered the equation and a man or woman is more often measured by social standing and influence rather than just brute force, the smart guys potentially have a pretty big advantage here.

How can I get good at flirting?

The key to becoming good at flirtation is to learn how to talk to girls effectively and identify the social boundaries of the girl you are trying to flirt with.

The best way to do this is through regular social contact with the opposite sex; however, in case you are starting from scratch with relatively little experience then here are 5 quick easy tips to guide you on the path of being a good flirter.

1. Try not to take anything too seriously.

Flirtation is supposed to be fun and playful; if you are too serious then it will likely intimidate her and make the interaction awkward for both of you, learn how to be funny and learn how to take a joke it will help your interactions flow a lot smoother.

The best thing about never being too serious is that you can always laugh it off when something goes wrong or not how you expected, this is crucial during a seduction because people are very unpredictable when it comes flirting and sex and you never know what to expect.

Humor gives you room to move and try different approaches, it also allows you to test out her boundaries somewhat without over committing, it also makes you seem like a fun easy going guy, which is sexy and the best part is you will probably have a much better time yourself.

2. Smile.

A smile is contagious, so flash those pearly whites and show her you’re a fun happy guy. It’s very hard to frown at someone whilst they are smiling at you, don’t believe us?

Try it yourself!

Human beings are programmed to reciprocate a smile, it is against our nature to feel hostility when somebody is being friendly.

3. Relax.

You want to appear composed and relaxed when flirting with a girl.

If you seem relaxed then she is more likely to put down her defences and show you the real her because she feels safe and comfortable around you.

It also makes you look just plain cool in comparison to all the other hyped up uncomfortable guys there and will often add an aura of mystery and intrigue to you.

The most important thing to remember here is, the coolest guy in any situation is almost always the most relaxed one.

The King is always the most relaxed man in the King’s castle (unless it’s under siege) so make every environment your kingdom and show everyone how comfortable you are in it.

4. Maintain eye contact.

In the animal kingdom eye contact is used as a means of challenging competitors and potential mates alike.

When you are trying to attract beautiful women, it’s important that you are able to hold their gaze when your eyes meet theres, because this shows her that you are a confident alpha male and not afraid of women.

When you do meet the gaze of an attractive girl and both of you hold it, this can be taken as an invitation for you to approach her.

As many more traditional women won’t approach men directly this is how they can show a man that they are interested in him.

Remember, you won’t catch her staring at you unless she wants you too.

5. Don’t be afraid or shy away from physical contact.

Touch is vital to escalating sexual tension between a man and a woman; when done right it causes chemical reactions in our bodies and arouses us sexually.

However, only certain kinds of touching are considered appropriate in public.

A good place to initiate friendly touching is to start with somewhere innocent like a ladies hand or elbow, if she is comfortable with this and does not brush your hand away or back away from you then you can take that as permission to touch her in those places at whim.

Women more often than not; will reciprocate that same level of touching when they are interested in a man, if you would like to escalate the touching to a more sensual level appropriate for seduction then you would want to touch her in places like her back, her neck and face, her hip (see The five crucial steps of sensual escalation).

Don’t be afraid to initiate touch by offering her your hand either; women like men who are confident leaders and if a man they feel attracted to offers her his hand to lead her somewhere they will instinctively feel a desire to take his hand, this is an example of a bigger social construct known as compliance.

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