Great Conversations

Great Conversations – Why You Can’t Think Of Anything To Say

Have Great Conversations With Women

This is the first of a series I will be writing over the next few weeks for the Way of the Player community revolving around.. You guessed it. Having great conversations with beautiful women.

One of the most common things I come across in our community is men who are worried about not having anything to say when they approach women. They worry that they will run out of things to say and they will look like an idiot. This is amazing. With the millions of thoughts that you have every day racing around your head, in the one instance when you need them to work for you, they seize up and disappear from your consciousness leaving you naked in the spotlight.

How on Earth does that happen? How can we suddenly be lost for words when most of the time we have an absolute abundance of them, why do they abandon us when we need them most?

Fight Flight Response

If any of you have ever studied psychology, then you would know about a condition called the ‘Fight Flight Response’, here is a video that explains this.

Essentially, when we encounter a perceived threat, we send a chemical signal to a very primitive part of our brain known as the ‘Amygdala’. This is the part of the brain which is responsible for fear and when stimulated it puts the body and mind in an alert state.

An alert state? But shouldn’t that mean that our brains should be more alert? Surely this would be a good thing for conversation? Unfortunately no.

When our bodies and minds enter this state we divert energy resources from areas which are considered to be non-essential for our immediate survival. For any of you Trekkies reading this, it’s kind of like when the Starship Enterprise takes a hit and they need to divert all energy to the force-field and forward thrusters in order to escape the threat and survive. The parts of your brain responsible for conversation are among the first to go because your Amygdala has decided that they are not as important in this time of threat as your sense of smell, hearing, sight, reflexes etc. Your primitive brain takes over and that is why you can’t think of anything to say.

You might be thinking, well that’s pretty useless in this day and age isn’t it; why is my body sabotaging me, doesn’t my biological imperative demand that I get laid? It does indeed, but fear is a very powerful emotion and one that has kept your ancestors alive up until this point. It wouldn’t have done your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-(yep that’s far enough, you can’t prove me wrong)-Grandfather any good if he had tried to talk a pack of wolves out of eating him for dinner. He had to run and run really really fast in order to get home to your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandmother and make your Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandfather. The Amygdala is why you are here today.

The Conversation Fix

So we have identified the problem, we now know that we are biologically hardwired to sabotage our conversations every time we put ourselves in a fearful situation, now lets look at some solutions.

Lets face it, approaching beautiful strangers can be scary. There is no harm in admitting it to yourself, you are not alone, most men feel this way to varying extents. Obviously you will be able to have better conversations when you are relaxed and not afraid, but it’s no easy task to just stop being afraid because it’s something that we really have very little control over.

From years of teaching men how to approach and attract beautiful women, I can promise you, the only way to get rid of that fear is to go out and confront that fear time and time again, no amount of ‘seduction material’ will fix that for you, only experience. This community exists to support you on your journey to Become a Player. We can’t make these breakthroughs for you, your participation is required. However, one thing that we can do for you is give you some tools to help you in your journey, and I am going to give you one such tool now.

Make Them Talk

The number one complaint that I get from women is, why don’t guys ever listen to me? Women love to talk about themselves and this is wonderful, because it means that we don’t have to worry so much about trying to find something to say, all we need to do is ask the right questions and they will do our talking for us.

This way it doesn’t matter how scared or nervous we are feeling because we wont have to worry about saying something insightful or interesting all we need to do is listen. You could be literally about to shit yourself and they probably wouldn’t realize because you just asked them if they are here for a special occasion and they are busy telling you all about it.

“Are you having a good night?”

“Yes”

“Okay”

This is where most guys go wrong, they ask ‘closed ended questions’. Closed ended questions are questions that don’t go anywhere, there is generally a yes or no answer and as soon as they have answered you need to think of another question to ask them, this is a bad habit.

“I like your earrings, is there a story behind those?”

“Not really, I actually just got them from Diva, they are probably cheap knockoffs”

“Oh really, what makes you think that?”

“Because everything they sell is”

These are open ended questions, they generally lead to a conversation, and you don’t actually need to say much about yourself at all in order to have a conversation, she is doing most of the work for you and all you need to do is listen and use the last thing she said to generate a new question. After awhile of this, you should feel more relaxed, and the conversation part of your brain will start working again. It’s that simple.

Take the pressure off yourself and put it on her. This is a great way for beginners to become good conversationalists and form some good habits for life. More importantly this will help you get the experience that you need to become a master socialiser and seducer.

By Kieran Black

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  • Eddie Fews

    Great article dude! I love it

  • Nathan

    Excellent article. So true. I never ask “closed” questions.

  • Brian

    Yeah true. I remember when I used to wonder about what to talk about with girls. If a girl ever started a conversation with me I’d answer in one word sentences.
    But when I started approaching a lot of girls and attempting to talk to them, I started saying whatever came to my mind. Things flow a lot more naturally now. So it’s just a matter of practice.

  • Mark

    mind = Blown Life= Changed. WOTP is officially my new go to site for Dating info

  • Atm44

    Very true, similar to what you get taught in a sales job. Seems unnatural at first but once you get in the habit it all flows much better

  • I used to be very pleased to seek out this web-site.I needed to thanks on your time for this excellent read!! I undoubtedly enjoying each little little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you weblog post.

  • emmykej

    so true,neva ask a ”closed question”.i love this site

  • Pingback: Great Conversations - The Elephant In The RoomWay of the Player – Become a Player()

  • Happy I found this.. *Book Marked!*

  • AWESOME!!!