The Player’s Guide To Going Out Alone

How many of our readers have tapped into the night scene alone?

What’s up guys?

This article is for the players out there who aren’t afraid to wear the title. It seems every guy wants to be a player, but they fear the label. That’s a little backwards in my arrogant opinion. But anyway, I think it’s important that as players that we challenge ourselves and always take the next step into becoming better at what we do. If there is an area that we can improve, we improve it. Players aren’t settling for “good enough”, that’s for normal guys. And as I began having this revelation I noticed an area in my own life I could improve; I rarely if ever went to a bar or night club alone. So it was time to make a change..

I’ve started going out alone mainly because I’ve taken sometime away from friends to continue on my journey of self. I’ve noticed that the initial idea of going to a nightclub alone caused me to feel “fear”, but fear is not something I choose to live with. So I have made it my mission to go out alone at least three times a weak to rid myself of that emotion. There were a few times when I showered, dressed up, sprayed on cologne and then gave into “not feeling up to it”. It’s a silly thing the subconscious does to put obstacles in the way of us and are goals. Sometimes its random excuses, others is just lethargic energy intruding on our system. I choose to give into it on four occasions actually; two of which were after I had already went out alone a few night prior  I’d lay in my bed in the darkness staring at the ceiling in apathy. What is it about going out alone that stirred up this anxiety I’d wonder? A answer logical enough never arrived so I promised myself that I would be going out the next day – no excuses.

I woke up the next morning and neglected many of my responsibilities, because all I could focus on was destroying the mental blocks that were between me and goals. One by one I shot them down with ambitious self talk and visualization. This went on for a some hours and before I knew it it was 8:30 PM, so I anxiously began getting ready. I threw on my best suit and made to my way of one of the more exclusive clubs in the meat packing district of New York City.

When I arrived there was a long line behind a red velvet rope. I choose to go straight for the door, I had worked my mind up so I was feeling important. Once in front I was greeted by an over weight Asian woman with a list in her hand. She looked me up and down waiting for me to give her the name of whoever made me feel like I could just enter this place like this. I had googled the name of the DJ before I got there so I just threw his name around and attempted to walk right pass her. I was greeted by a bouncer who I thought was going to call my bluff, but he just patted me down and I was in.

I wanted to smile but I decided to keep that one on the inside; the night was just getting started and it’s not time to get my boxers in a bunch.

Once in I looked up, looked down, looked left and looked right. The guy to girl ratio was about 2 to 1 so that was perfect. I always say ” If there’s only one girl in the whole club that’s enough for me”. I then made my way around the place just to check out the venue. In the back there was a smoke room with no ceiling, the music was low so I instantly knew this was the place for conversation.

After a cigarette that was offered to me and some small talk with the guys and gals outside I headed back into the dance floor/bar area. The moment I got in I spotted this blonde sitting at a VIP table with only two others; a guy and a girl who happned to be making out at the time. The blonde was “fake texting” on her phone and looking around the room so I knew it was time for a hero to come save the day.

I walked on over and said ” Hey I came over to even the ratio a bit… should we do what they’re doing( pointing at the two friends kissing) or head outside for a cig. ” she smiled, told me her name and I led her by the hand to “conversation room”

I grabbed two cigarettes from the guy passing out napkins in the bathroom and we took a seat outside.

“Yea.. I knew you liked black guys ” I said with a smirk, she laughed and said something to the extent of ” doesn’t everyone” ( don’t quote me on that though). She then went into some rant about how exoctic she finds black guys. I stopped listening halfway through and just tried to kiss her after a min or so. She turned her head and motioned for me to kiss her on her cheek. I declined of course(players don’t settle for second best) and just went into a new topic of conversation. After another few minutes I caught her gazing at me for extended moments so I tried to kiss her again. She moved again and began to complain about how fast I was moving. She wanted to talk more first but I stopped showing interest so she returned to her group.

I talked to a few more girls and guys outside, grabbed a couple numbers then went back in to see who was on the dance floor. I knew I wouldn’t be dancing too much; the music wasn’t really my thing, so I just tried dancing for a min or so and grabbing the numbers of the girls I found attractive on the floor. I didn’t have much success with that but after two or three attempts I spoted this attractive girl standing around on the outskirts of the dance floor.

I strolled over and tapped her on the shoulder ” hey, it’s rough out there” she replied ” I saw you getting crazy out there. How are the girls treating you?”

I followed up with ” not bad, but I planting my flag here with you for tonight”She then began to tell me how she also came out alone and she’s recently out of a divorce so she’s out trying to meet new people. We had a lot in common and next thing you know, it’s 45 mins later and we’re still talking. She was dope, but I had to pee and she wanted to go grab a drink. I told her I’d find her when I got back from the bathroom, but I never did. I actually caught myself looking for her for longer than I should have, but I snapped out of it. It’s important that I learn to have things and let them go, no matter how great they are.

After a few more light approaches I decided to just call it a night and head on home. I made my way to the exit and on the way out I spotted the blonde from earlier making out with some guy at her group table. I just laughed to myself and built a little rapport with the bouncer before I went home.

There’s no magical happy ending on this one but I definitely learned a few lessons.

Lesson #1: No matter how you feel, get up, get dressed, and go out.
As I stated earlier the subconscious has ways of talking us out of doing things that could be beneficial to us. For the most part it’s hardwired to help us find the easiest solution to all of our problems. So if we don’t “have to” it’ll naturally cause us to feel like we shouldn’t. If you didn’t go to work everytime you “didn’t feel like it” how much different would your life be?

Lesson #2: The tougher the task the sweeter the reward
You know the feeling you get when you walk up to a girl, have a conversation, and get her number? Picture that ten times over. The satisfaction is a lot more satisfying when you don’t have your buddies there to share it with. When forced to stand alone you can shine a lot brighter; and its as if women can pick that up with their 6th sense(intuition).

Lesson #3 It’s just easier
Once you get over the initial nerves of being on the dance floor alone you’ll realize how much easier it is to meet people. Friends aren’t there to cock block you, you don’t have to report to your group every so often, and there’s no crutch for you to walk with. While out alone you’re more inclined to approach  because there’s no excuse not to. You have two options.. Be alone or make friends. Which sounds better to you?

Go out alone guys and even if this idea doesn’t sound appealing to just give it a try. Being a player is all about challenging ourselves and elevating to the next level. The only ceilings are the ones we build over our own heads. So get it done and post your stories on the forums, I look forward to reading them. Peace & Love

Eddie Fews
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For consultation and inquiries email me: EddieFews@wayoftheplayer.com

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adminThe Player’s Guide To Going Out Alone
  • Thomas King

    Hey Eddie this is some great stuff you have going here. Great mentality as welled. I needed the inspiration – Thanks man

  • Kozi EyeSee

    I need this! Its not that Im a loner I just don’t like people in my business.

  • Eddie Fews

    I think every guys does bro. Imagine a nightclub where everyone came by themselves.. No cliques, no huddles etc. Thanks for checking it out.