I am writing to you now as someone who is living at the top but started at the bottom.
To put things in perspective, a few years ago before I found my way with Way of the Player. I was a deadbeat loser. I was unemployed and living off welfare, I drank too much, I smoked too much, I did a lot of things ‘too much’ and a lot other things ‘not enough’. A lot of the people in my life had written me off as a lost cause, I had even written myself off as a lost cause. I would go out and get in fights with strangers, I would damage my body and my relationships with people who were close to me. I was a very self-destructive person. I didn’t care what happened to me; there were even times when I felt like death would be a welcome release from the perpetual torment that was my miserable life.
But I didn’t start out this way…
I was once young and optimistic and full of hope. When I was a kid growing up I felt like I could be anyone, I believed that I could do anything. After I got a bit older I realized that the world can be a cruel, dark and lonely place and my outlook started to change. Growing up things had always come fairly easily. Despite coming from a broken home I always had parents who would take care of me and make sure that I was on the right track and had plenty of food to eat, clothes to wear, a roof over my head, people who cared. These things were all so readily available, I never learnt to really hunger for anything because I always had this mentality that everything would sort itself out without any extra effort on my part.
I was lazy. We all are to a certain extent and I will admit that I still am to a certain extent. However, nowadays the part of me that has learnt to hunger has become stronger than my laziness. I have met a lot of guys who have read articles watched videos etc. and felt different immediately after, they have felt inspired to change themselves for the better and they start making changes to achieve this. But then for 99% of them it wears off and they go back to being exactly how they were before. This quick fix mentality is all too prevalent in an age of TV dinners, welfare and the internet.
These hopefuls usually fail at effecting real change because they are hoping that it will be an easy transition, that they wont need to work at it, that things will change for the better through a bit of practice. And that’s true, things will change for the better through practice, but it’s an ongoing battle and some people don’t have the stomach for it.
Even after many years of living a good constructive lifestyle, there is always the possibility that we will become unhinged and revert to our natural lazy states. I see it all the time.
One of the guys at my Firehouse (that’s right I’m a Fireman), is always showing people a photo of himself looking tanked and handsome in a calender that came out in 1996. He says, ‘this is what I used to look like, check out those abs, I used to get so much pussy’ and then you look at him now and he is overweight and miserable. I think to myself ‘this is obviously something that’s important to him that he worked hard at, when did he fall off the wagon? When did he start losing those mental battles with himself, when did he give up his dream?’
This ‘has-been’ scenario is even less common than the ‘wanna-be’ scenario. The majority of people that spend their whole lives telling themselves that one day they will get their shit together, but that day never comes.
Today I’m going to give you some tips on how to get what you want and keep it. Whether you use them or not is up to you, but know that they are coming from someone who has everything that you want.
Tip #1 – Focus On What Matters
So many guys get all caught up obsessing about the little things in life. They will go out and try something new, but instead of just going out and trying again, they obsess over that one experience or thing analyzing every little detail and getting nowhere. If you’re a big picture king of person, you move on quickly, you focus on the big picture of getting what you want. You understand that perfection is an unattainable goal, that nothing is perfect and nothing ever will be, so you learn to be happy with your achievements no matter how small and you focus on your successes rather than your failures.
The only thing that matters in the end is whether or not you get what you want and achieve what you set out to do. If what you want is the love of a beautiful woman, then stop obsessing over the ones that rejected you, your dream girl is still out there, you just need to keep searching.
Tip #2 – Don’t Take Things Too Seriously
If you can’t find pleasure in your quest for success then you have already failed. It wont be easy getting what you want, but it will be a lot harder if you are taking yourself too seriously and
focusing on the negative.
The other day I was running with a Personal Trainer friend of mine who regularly runs marathons and is about the fittest person I know. As I was doing my fifth lap at a pace that left every muscle in my body hurting and my throat sore from gasping for air, he asked me how I was feeling, and without thinking about it I said ‘This is killing me’, and he said, ‘No, it’s making you stronger. You need to think more positively’. He was right. I was holding myself back because I was being too hard on myself, the negativity I was feeling was affecting the way I felt the exercise and pain and I wasn’t allowing myself to enjoy it. As soon as I realized this I picked up my pace and beat my previous time by a full twenty-two seconds.
If you are taking everything really seriously, then you are going to focus on the negative every time because there is no harsher critic than yourself. If you can learn to be carefree and positive in pursuing your goals, then you will still get there all the same, you will just enjoy yourself more in the process.
Tip #3 – Learn To Take Advice
This is a big obstacle that I needed to overcome on my journey to success. I thought that seeking out advice was a weak thing to do and people would lose respect for me if I showed that I didn’t have all the answers. The truth is the complete opposite.
Being able to graciously take advice is a strength not a weakness. The greatest Kings and leaders of history always had good advisers that they listened to. You don’t need to take and use every piece of advice you receive but you should certainly consider these parcels of wisdom, even if that advice is from someone who you don’t believe is qualified to give you advice. There is a wealth of experience and knowledge out there in the world that you will never know. You can not possibly be an expert in everything, but you can certainly benefit from getting advice on things that you know nothing about. Never be too proud to take advice.
Tip #4 – Get Competitive
When I was younger I thought it was hard growing up in a family of brothers, because everything was always so competitive (and it still is). I used to get frustrated when my older brother Cam would always beat me academically, physically and financially. It made me feel like I had a lot to live up to. However, many years later, I have wrote and published a book and I am studying a course which many would consider to be highly intelligent. We went for a run the other day and I left him in my dust. I bought a house before he did and I drive a better car, I have a full-time career as well as a successful side business.
I might have been the underdog for a long time but that competition helped to spur me onto greater things and now that my brother is becoming the underdog, I have seen a big shift in his life as well. He just got a much better, higher paying job, he is seeing a personal trainer again, and he has just bought a house himself.
Seek out people in your life to compete against, but make it a positive competition. Learn to love the competition, relish in it, make it a game. If you can find a worthy competitor and you can step up to the plate, you will not only be improving your life, you will also be improving his and this is a noble thing.
Tip #5 – Surround Yourself By The Right People
How can you soar like an Eagle when you are surrounded by Turkeys?
Becoming successful is 50% you and 50% the people on your team. If you don’t have a strong, supporting network of friends to share this journey with you, then you are doing it hard and you will probably fall short of your goals. If you want to be great with women, surround yourself by guys who are great with women. If you want to be rich, surround yourself by rich people. You are not too old to have role models. Seek out role models for each facet of your life you want to improve on. Don’t idolize them, simply recognize that they have something that you want and seek out their help. You might be surprised how many successful people are willing to help you. When most people find success, they want to help others find success. So long as you are committed and not wasting their time.
Tip #6 – Be Generous
My Grandfather used to say “when making a deal, always leave something for the other guy”. A little bit of generosity can go a long way. A bottle wine to say thank you, a donation to a charity that you care about, giving a mate a hand moving house. Generous people are worth their weight in gold. Just don’t let anyone take advantage of your generosity.
For me, I am always generous until I am not. Meaning that I will always start off being generous with people until they take advantage and then that generosity ends. You might not always come out ahead this way, but people will appreciate you for it and it will help you to be able to develop the kind of self-respect and allegiances that will see you through some hard times.
Tip #7 – Find Balance
It is not uncommon at all for members of the ‘self help community’ to take on one extreme to another. For example, a guy comes to me and asks me to assess his game with girls, so I say okay. I see him go talk to some girls and he is very shy and introverted, so I tell him you need to be more cocky. Next time he goes and approaches some girls he implies that one of them needs to lose some weight, then acts like an obnoxious Jerk and they end up screaming at him to go away. He comes to me and asks, what went wrong? And I say, ‘I said act more cocky’, I didn’t say that you need to become a total cock.
Guys get so desperate for a quick result they take everything to the extreme, and then they don’t understand why it didn’t work for them. There isn’t one big transformation that will change everything, it will be a lot of small ones, which collectively amount to a big transformation.
Balance is a key ingredient to success. You want to avoid being too extreme in any regard. Learn to appreciate the delicate balances in life. The balance of work and play. The balance of exercise and relaxation. The balance of being good and being bad. When you find the right balance in all areas of life you will achieve the stability that you need to work effectively towards your goals.
Tip #8 – Set Your Sights High
You will probably only get one shot at life, so you may as well aim high. If you have a dream, go for it entirely, don’t settle for dream B. I actually managed to make several of my dreams realities and I astounded a lot of people in my life in the process. Ambition is a beautiful thing, but should only be reserved for those who have the balls to go after it.
The biggest difference between those who achieve their dreams and those who do not, is not raw talent or privilege, although these things help. What actually separates the champions from the losers, is who is willing to stay in the race longer. If you are the last one to give up, then you might not always win the battle, but you will always win the war. ‘Get rich or die trying’, decide on what you want out of life and make it happen. In the game of life there are no prisoners, you either rise to greatness or you dwell in nothingness. Are you content with being just another cog in civilization machine, or do you want to be driving it? Only you can make that choice.
Tip #9 – Find The Love Of A Good Woman
A good partner in life can make all the difference. But don’t just settle for the first one that comes along, keep searching until you find the right one for you. Someone who will always have your back and support you even when they think you are wrong. Someone who will believe in you and always see your good side.
When and if you find this person, make them feel appreciated and loved every day. Don’t take them for granted, don’t abuse them. But don’t let them control you either, or treat you like less than the great man you are. Have the strength to walk away if her true colors turn ugly.
Tip #10 Start being the person you want to be tomorrow, today
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. So many people are stuck in the tomorrow mentality. They keep making big orders in the present and expecting their future selves to pick up the tab. That’s not good enough. If you make a promise to yourself you should start acting on it straight away. Don’t wait for the right time, or when it will be more convenient, you might think that you have the luxury of time but you don’t. It will all be over before you know it, all you really have is the present.
If you want to lose weight, don’t wait for the start of the week, go to your fridge right now and start throwing away anything unhealthy. It doesn’t have any value to you anymore. Those gym shorts that have been sitting at the bottom of your closet gaining dust for the last few months. Put them on. You don’t feel like it? You never will. Doing things that we don’t like doing is just a part of life. Stop looking for temporary happiness solutions and look at the big picture. The kind of happiness and contentment you will have when you know that you are a successful capable person is better than you can imagine. What you might think is suffering now, is nothing compared to the suffering of regret.
There is a world of possibility out there and now is the time to start discovering it. Right now. Today is the most important day of your life. Today is the day that everything becomes possible.[social_share/]
By Kieran Black