Get in the frame of mind to approach beautiful women
Lately I’ve noticed there has been a lot of really great ‘life philosophy’ coming through on the Way of the Player forums and in particular from our New York columnist Eddie Fews.
This has got me thinking a lot about my own life philosophies that I have learned and developed since I first got into ‘game’ and how these same philosophies can greatly improve the perspective of a lot of guys who are just getting into it now.
Guys have often asked me a lot in the past, ”how can I get the confidence to approach like you, what’s your secret?”
My answer is always the same, ‘I enjoy it’ and that is the honest to God truth. Approaching is easy for me because I get a real kick out of it; I find it more interesting, challenging and entertaining than just about any other worthwhile pursuit in life.
When I am approaching, I get the same mad rush of adrenalin and excitement that I get when I go bungee jumping or sky diving, or any other number of memorable activities that make me feel 100% alive and present in the moment.
For me ‘game’ actually feels like a game, it has rules and challenges and rewards and punishments, if Hasbro was suddenly to release a board game which revolved around seduction and dating, I actually think it would do pretty well. (I should probably patent that)
It’s a game to me and that makes it fun but it’s also a bit deeper than that; I don’t approach beautiful women to get their numbers, I don’t approach beautiful women to impress my mates, I don’t even approach beautiful women to get laid.
Those are all things that I enjoy a lot, that occur as a result of me approaching but the truth is when I am approaching I’m not thinking about what I’m going to say next, or where I want to take her later, or the big stack of work waiting for me on my desk on Monday; when I am approaching beautiful women my head is completely clear, all I am thinking about is the moment at hand and what is happening before my eyes because nothing else matters. I am just enjoying playing the game.
And because my mind is clear, I’m not missing a thing, I am listening to everything she is saying rather than just thinking about the next thing I wanted to say and when I do converse with her, she can tell that I am present in the conversation and that makes me seem a lot more real and sincere to her.
There are no guarantees in life, there is no tomorrow, there is no future, there is no past, there is only the here and now; everything else is just jargon and it’s cluttering your thoughts constantly, holding you back from seizing the day and really living in the moment.
It’s also exhausting, it’s the reason why so many people get depressed or break down, it’s not healthy to have that much crap on your mind, it’s a heavy burden to carry and we could all do so much better at life if we learnt to let go of that and enjoy each passing moment as it comes.
Trust Your Instincts When You Approach Beautiful Women
When we see beautiful women at a bar, there is a part of you that wants to just go up and approach them without even thinking about it but then sometimes our brain messes with us and tries to talk us out of doing what our instincts are telling us to do and so instead of us doing the most natural thing for us to do (approaching beautiful women), we end up shying away from it and ignoring our instincts in favour of our negative thoughts.
Quite often men will go out somewhere and they will see a girl who is a 9 out of 10 and they will think she is too hot for me, I will drop my standards so I stand a better chance, then they start looking around at the 7′s or 8′s out of 10 because they figure that these girls are more likely to be within their league.
This is a trap that most men fall in to, it is the trap of being content with the second prize and being afraid to go after what we really want.
This is not following our instincts, our initial instict is to approach beautiful women, not to drop our standard down to the lesser one’s without even trying in the first place.
As an alpha male you should have gone up to the girl who you felt the most attraction for, you should have acting on your impulses but you didn’t because you were thinking about your past results and your perceived future rather than living in the moment and doing what you really wanted to do.
Stop trying to predict the future
So many guys create an imaginary future conversations in their head’s before they even approach beautiful women.
They have sat there at the bar, in a line at the supermarket, at their desk at work etc. and they have thought through a mulititude of possibilities of what could and should happen when they approach the girl they have their eye on.
They have weighed the risks, they have imagined how she will respond, what she might say, what she might do; they create an entire fantasy personality based on her appearance alone and they convince themselves that they know how a stranger will react to an approach before they have even taken the first step.
Before they have even spoken to the girl they feel attracted to, they have already created an alternate universe in their minds where their idea of what might happen has already played out, this fictional reality, this story decides whether they are going to create the possibility of making it happen, whether they will turn the first page and approach the girl.
If you are pessimistic about your capabilities then that story probably didn’t have a happy ending and so you’re not going to create that possibility because you fear the non-existent outcome you predicted.
If you are optimistic about your capabilities then you will be a lot more likely to try and play it out but then you might get caught off guard when the story suddenly goes in a direction that you didn’t anticipate and suddenly you are like an actor who has forgotten his lines and what should have been a fun flirty conversation has suddenly become a trap that you are desperate to escape.
Well imagine if you never made that story in the first place, if there was no script, no written pages, if the only way for you to have a story was to place yourself within it and create the story as it goes.
Your story has no beginning, it has no ending, it is just you doing, creating, living and when you are in that moment and you do not fear or eagerly anticipate the ending you will begin to enjoy the journey itself because life is all about the journey, the final destination doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you enjoy yourself along the way.
Don’t let your past decide your future
Great results are inspirational, they show us what is possible and help us know what we are capable of but our past results can also limit our future possiblities if we allow our past to define us.
Way too often men let their past experiences with approaching beautiful women discourage them from taking action in the future, they think to ourselves, “I tried that and it didn’t work, so I guess that’s not for me” and then the years roll on and occassionally they push themselves to tentatively test the water, when they should be jumping into the deep end and they have convinced themselves that they’re stuck in their ways, that it’s too late for them to change and because they believe this, they are absolutely right.
Even when they do jump outside their comfort zone again, they are always expecting the same results they got last time and this prevents them from trying their hardest. So they become happy in mediocrity, they become comfortable and predictable and all the time they are filled with a great sadness and they don’t understand why.
The truth is, if you are someone who believe’s this then you are doomed to fade away from existence, your memory will be lost in the pages of time and you may as well have never existed. You have already decided your fate before it happens, you have closed the book on life and you are just lumbering your way towards the finish line and missing all the beautiful opportunities you come across on the way.
This all happens because most of us earnestly believe that our past dictates our future, that once we are comfortable and set in our ways, it is impossible to change, that no matter what we do and try, things will always just go back to the way they were before.
This is the mentality of someone who is already dead on the inside. This is a mentality absent of drive or hope, this is the mentality of someone who has let themselves be defeated and beaten down by the world around them. This is the mentality of a coward.
Courageous men write the pages of their own history, they make things happen, they don’t wait for things to happen to them.
Courageous people make life worth living, they inspire us, they lead us and they show us the value of life. Courageous men don’t fear the future, they are intrigued by the mystery it holds and they don’t regret the past because they know that there is nothing for them there.
They are always living in the present and savouring every morsel of the beautiful gift of life that they have been given because they know that they only get one chance and they are not going to waste it living in mediocrity and fear.
You are your actions
When men approach beautiful women, there will always be negative thoughts entering their heads, the longer they wait to approach the girl they like the more negative thoughts are likely to enter their heads.
Some men deal with this problem by approaching women sooner rather than later, they call this ‘the three second rule’; as soon as they see beautiful women they feel attracted to, they approach them within the first three seconds before they have a chance to talk themselves out of it.
Well this might work for some and it’s quite a good way of getting past those negative thoughts and pushing yourself to live in the moment but it doesn’t really fix what is broken on the inside.
I am not going to tell you that you should stop thinking negative thoughts, because that’s just ridiculous, if I tell you to try your hardest not to think about baboons, what do you think you are going to be thinking about?
Big red assed Baboons of course!
Because your brain doesn’t work that way, you can’t just shut out negative emotions and thoughts, they will always somehow manifest themselves in your mind and there is nothing you can do about it.
Negative thoughts are natural, they have been with us since childhood and no amount of meditation or brain surgery will change that, the only thing you can do, is accept that those thoughts will always be there but they only have power if we give it to them.
It is not our thoughts that make us as people, it is our actions.
Lot’s of amazing wonderful people have had seriously horrible thoughts but that didn’t make them bad people because despite those thoughts being there, their actions were always good and courageous and this is what made them who they were.
When we are thinking about approaching beautiful women it’s only natural for us to have thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or ”I can’t do this” but those thoughts can’t stop you from taking action and doing what needs to be done, only you can do that.
Next time you are walking along the street, or at a bar etc. and you see a beautiful woman smile at you or give you some indication that you’re interested, take the action that you know is right and embrace every moment from then on.
Your life will get easier and better if you start teaching yourself to live in the moment and act on your instincts and desires, I guarantee it.
By Kieran Black
If you are suffering from severe anxiety and panic issues then you might need a bit more than philosophy to help you get past that, I recommend The Linden Method which entails a much more practical solution to overcoming your approach anxiety and panic attacks.