The Eight Step Formula for Instant Dating Success
Hey there, it is Andreas here again with another blog post.
This time I am going to write a blog post on a subject I am very passionate about – becoming an attractive man! First, I would like to tell you very briefly why I am so passionate about this very subject in particular…
When I first enrolled on my “PUA journey”, I went through a LOT of material! I have probably wasted hundreds of hours watching seminars and reading pickup material, looking for that magic bullet! I read, I studied and I wanted to apply it but my head was filled with all these ideas, abstract theories and rules that I wasn’t able to say a word to women simply because I didn’t know where to start. The material didn’t handle the real issue behind my anxiety and lack of confidence: how I lived my life!
Slowly, I began to see the philosophy of PUA material as it is… Any technique, gambit or system comes down to this:
“We are not good enough for beautiful women, so we have to impress women by faking who we are and have a toolset of routines, lines and even magic tricks!”
I didn’t want to live like this; hiding who I was and trying to manipulate women into liking me by being something, I was not!
And this is where I realized: to achieve the dating success, I craved, I needed to actually BECOME the attractive man, I was trying to project to women in my PUA days!
And thus began a journey… And in this blog post I would like to share with you the steps you can take yourself to become an incredibly attractive man, and enjoy the success that follows! This blog post and its eight steps can inspire you to begin your own journey towards greatness.
Before we get into it, I would like to remind you of this: whether or not you have realized it, you have already begun this journey. By being on this website and reading this post you have committed to a life of excellence with women. There is no going back at this point; you have found the fountain of knowledge you need to change yourself for the better, so go all in or bail! The time has come to unleash your potential. Life is too short to be mediocre
- 1. Your Vision
It all starts with your vision! A man, who doesn’t have a vision for himself and his life, will never achieve his full potential.
So I want you to start focusing on your purpose in life; do you have any idea what that might be? I don’t believe that one’s life purpose is set in stone, meaning you don’t have a purpose that says “My purpose is to X/Y” etc. It is a very abstract thing to discuss, but take out a piece of paper and answer these questions:
What do you enjoy?
What makes you excited?
What do you want your relationship(s) to be like?
What do you want to experience?
What do you do for a living?
How do people perceive you?
How are you dressed?
How do you feel about yourself and your life?
How about your fitness and health?
You get my point! Make some questions and write down exactly what you want your life to look like in every area! Once you have this list written, we’ll call this “your vision”, because it is! You now have your vision clearly stated on a piece of paper, and your job is to read this statement two times a day, every morning and every evening, and visualizing and feeling it as if this was true today! This is a very powerful process.
Do something each day to get closer to living your vision, and then you will unleash your true potential… And feel the excitement and confidence as a result of your commitment!
- 2. Happiness
So illusive, so abstract… Happiness is what we all pursue, right? My take on happiness is very simple:
It is a choice and a practice!
Let me explain… In every moment, you will feel something; whether that is sadness, anxiety and fear or joy, excitement and gratefulness. It doesn’t matter, you can be happy whether or not the feelings are positive or negative! You can’t get rid of negative emotions, and you can’t feel positive all the time, but you can choose to live life like a happy person. The feelings will pass, but I like to think of happiness as something in the background if you know what I mean? It is always there! No matter what I am going through, happiness and bliss is my natural state; all I have to do is clear my mind , be aware, and I will feel this emotion . You are already happy; you just need to discover it!
When it comes to your choices in life and what you want, to REALLY know what will make you happy, try this exercise: See things from the two extremes of a spectrum. Let me give you an example!
“Will you rather have average sex with 10 different women or have mind blowing sex with the same woman?”
“Will you rather make a lot of money doing work you kind of enjoy or make little money by doing work, you absolutely love?”
This is a nice little tool to determine what will make you happy. It might change, it might be in the middle of the two spectrums but for me personally, doing this exercise gave me a sense of relief! Finally knowing what I really wanted and what would make me happy, and not just what would suit my ego. This has made all the difference for me, and I hope it will add some true value to your life.
Happiness is a delicate subject! Please leave your thoughts and comments so that we can start a discussion on the subject of “happiness”; I would love to hear your thoughts!
- 3. Your Dream Girl
This is a part of your vision for the future and a very important part I might add!
What kind of girl are you seeking? If you don’t have a vision for your dream girl, how can you qualify women? How can you have standards?
By knowing what you want, you are setting standards for yourself. By knowing what you want in a woman and from your relationship with her, you will attract this into your life. By knowing what you want, you can communicate this to the women you meet and then figure out, if the two of you are compatible together!
So what I want you to do know is make a very detailed description of a) your dream girl and b) your relationship with her. There are no limits, so just go nuts with this description! Remember, this is your vision of your DREAM girl! Just writing this description should make you excited. This is a FUN exercise, so enjoy it!
When you have this vision of your dream woman, you basically change your entire purpose of meeting women. Instead of asking yourself: “Do this girl like me?” you’ll start asking yourself: “Do I like her?” With this change of focus, you’ll find that a lot of your “issues” with women will seem to be solved all by itself!
You’ll naturally qualify when you know what you want.
You’ll naturally escalate when you know what you want.
You’ll never run out of things to say because you know what kind of girl, you are interested in, and you are simply curious in your conversation to see, if she lives up to your standard.
Having this vision for my life, focusing on what made me happy and knowing, what I wanted from women and relationships was a GAMECHANGER for me, so I really encourage you to do this! It is incredibly powerful.
- 4. Your Lifestyle
How attractive women find you in large part comes down to your lifestyle; do you live with self respect, purpose and courage?
A good place for you to start building an attractive lifestyle is to get in shape! You don’t need to look like Brad Pitt or a body builder, but getting in shape is a major component of being attractive. Remember you are doing this for yourself! Not just to impress women, but to actually feel great about yourself and your body and enjoying the energy and benefits of a healthy lifestyle. Health should be your number one priority.
For a diet and fitness program that works and doesn’t require you to starve yourself or spending thousands of hours in the gym, I recommend checking out “The Primal Blueprint” by Mark Sisson. It is what I follow and it works! It is a lifestyle change, not just a quick method and it is enjoyable, lasting and you don’t starve yourself. Perfect!
Get your sense of style, fashion and clothing together; study what colors match, wear clothes that fit and generally try to look nice! I am not the expert on fashion and clothing, so studying this on your own is my recommendation.
The following are some simple rules for improving your physical appearance:
- Always be well groomed! Spend the 50 dollars a month to have a nice haircut; it is worth it.
- Get nice cologne.
- You might even consider trimming your eyebrows as I do (watch a tutorial on YouTube). Also, make sure you don’t have any excess nose hair as that is just gross.
- Pay some attention to your breath as well; brush your teeth several times a day, use mouthwash and eat some gum.
- Get adequate sleep.
- Do what you can to have clean skin (facial scrub, moisturizer etc.)
This is all you need to do; if you get in shape and do these simple things for your appearance, you are ahead of 90% of the guys out there and you will feel great!
An important part of improving your lifestyle is doing things, you enjoy! You already figured this out in Your Vision, so now your job is simply to do things every day that excite you!
Here are some simple suggestions to drastically improve the quality of your lifestyle:
- Meditate (for a clear, unstressed mind)
- Learn to dance
- Learn to play an instrument
- Read books
- Spend less time on Facebook, watching TV and playing video games
- Do something that scares you, like bungee jumping or holding a snake
And so on and so on! Live an exciting life and you will be INCREDIBLY attractive and feel passionate about your life!
- 5. Your Actions
Now you know what you want and you have built an attractive lifestyle for yourself. Now what?
Now you need to TAKE ACTION!
Approach women, meet some women, do shit that scares you! Work on some projects, work on your business. Fail, fail, fail and grow.
You might feel fear for approaching a beautiful woman, asking for a raise, quitting your job if you hate it or traveling on your own. All this might scare you, and that is okay. What is not okay is to let the fear stop you! Doing things that you want to do, deep down, but you fear doing will make you grow as a Man, and thus be more attractive.
The difference between living a life of excellence and a life of mediocrity is by acting despite of fear.
To live a life of excellence, and to be a real Player, you need to act anyway.
“Confidence is not a pre-requisite for taking action, but a result of doing so” – Hans Comyn
- 6. Charm and Charisma
Charm and charisma are some of the final elements that separate the guys, who are attractive and the guys, women find IRRESTISTABLE!
Charm is, for me, very simple: it is making people feel great around you! That is it. Make people feel important, appreciated and attractive around you and you will indeed be very charming.
Listen intensely and with great interest to what people are saying. If there is something about the other person, you admire or appreciate, let her/him know! Smile. Hold eye contact. Use touch to get your points across. Be GENUINELY interested in other people!
Make people feel appreciated and special around you and you will never have problems getting friends or lovers ever again. To read more about this, read “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carn
egie; it is a great read!
Charisma is about radiating confidence and passion.
Use your entire body while communicating; speak with a loud and resonant voice, use hand gestures, touch the people around you when appropriate to make a point. Being charismatic is about loving yourself, your life and simply expressing this with your entire body!
The catch with charm and charisma, however, is the fact that it can’t be faked.
You won’t be charming if you aren’t genuinely interested in other people and genuinely wanting to make them feel good.
You won’t be charismatic if there is nothing in your life to be charismatic and passionate about! To be charismatic, you need to move closer to your vision every day, and this is another reason for why it is so important to know what you want.
- 7. Sexual Escalation
The final element of an attractive man: being sexual and making no apologies for it.
You are a man and you are interested in a woman in a sexual way, and there is no reason to feel shame about that. There is no reason to hide it; express your “darker self” and if she feels attracted to you, she can’t resist the magnetic force of a sexually confident man.
Express your sexual nature and your desire by the way you talk, the way you look at her and the way you move.
Watch this scene from “Don Juan Demarco” with Johnny Depp (it might be bit exaggerated, but it gets my point across):
Or the classic “Casino Royale” scene, where James Bond (played by Daniel Craig) surely makes no apologies for his sexual nature and expresses it fully in his interaction with Vesper Lynd. I would like to add that in this scene I am not particularly fond of the part, where they “read” each other and apparently reads all aspects of the other person. It is a bit tacky to me, and not applicable to real life. Besides from that, there is a lot to be learned about sexual tension and sexual confidence in this scene, so here is the link:
Sexual escalation is having the balls to show women your desire, to express your sexual interest in her with no apologies.
Sexual escalation is a crucial part of being a player, and as such I will write an entire blog post on sexual escalation alone with the next couple of days.
These are my eight steps for becoming an incredibly attractive man. If you have this handled, you will never have any issues with women ever again! Women will just seem to be drawn to you and your exciting lifestyle. You will be the man that makes women week in their knees.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please leave your comments below, they are greatly appreciated!
Andreas Jacobsen is a young Player and WOTP contributor from Denmark. You can visit his personal blog by going to www.Honorableplayer.com