Perhaps one of the most common questions regarding dating and picking up women is the looks question. Do looks matter? Clearly for us men, looks matter. Many men I know personally care pretty much ONLY about looks. And most men I know care significantly about looks. There are evolutionary reasons why certain features of women are considered attractive and societal reasons why men are extremely attracted to the looks of a woman. The specific reasons aren’t important for this article, what is important is that it is an incontrovertible fact that men care about a woman’s physical appearance. Why then is it such a difficult question to answer when it comes to women?
It would seem plausible that women are attracted to physically attractive men due to similar evolutionary and societal pressures that cause men to be attracted to physically attractive women. There is considerable research that suggests that looks do matter to women. There is also a lot of anecdotal evidence. How many times have you seen a hot woman with a guy who is a total dead beat loser but happens to be good looking? It happens more than once in a while.
This is one of the prevailing schools of thought: Looks matter. Men considered “better looking” are more successful with women than their counterparts. They can get women to talk to them, date them, and sleep with them more easily than others. In online dating, there is plenty of data to suggest that better looking men receive more messages and are replied to more regularly than average or below average looking men. (Though in Sway Seduction you will learn there is an extremely powerful way to attract women online that has little to do with looks)
Why then, when it seems there is ample evidence, both “scientific” and anecdotal that suggests looks matter, many experts in the art of picking up women suggest that looks do not matter? The logic is as follows: Plenty of men can get beautiful women despite being average looking or even ugly. If that is the case, then do looks really matter? Just because a good looking person may have an easier time getting a woman doesn’t mean the woman would not go out with guy who is not good looking. If an ugly guy can get more or less any girl he wants, that is pretty much evidence that looks do not matter.
So where do I stand on the matter? I am in both camps, but more in the latter. More importantly, I think the real issue is men are asking the wrong question. Looks undeniably matter. I have seen men with absolutely no game have women drooling over them purely because of their looks. I have seen total jobless, brain-dead losers get girls despite having an inability to let more than an unintelligible grunt out in a conversation. Having seen good looks on men in action many times, I cannot possibly deny that looks matter. However, I still fall in camp two much more than camp one because the camp two interpretations are what actually matters to you and I; whether or not we can get beautiful women being average looking or ugly. And that is the right question to be asking in the first place: “Can I get the woman I want with the looks I have.”
Think about it. What actually matters to you: whether or not some good looking guy can get a beautiful woman to sleep with him or whether or not you can get a beautiful woman to sleep with you? I hope it’s the latter! And fortunately, the latter is true. Not every woman will date a man she considers average looking or unattractive. But, I would estimate that the vast majority of women will, and more importantly, there are plenty of amazing women; perfect 10s if you will, that would happily date a man they did not find physically attractive!
If you take anything away from this article I want you to take away the last sentence. There are many amazing women who do not care about looks. This is the key to the looks question. Most likely, you have been asking yourself the wrong question all these years. You have been asking whether or not looks matter and being disappointed to learn they do. What you should have been asking is whether or not you can get the woman of your dreams without being good looking. The answer to that is a resounding YES. That’s good news, because that’s a good answer to the question that matters.
Josh is the creator of JoshSway.com, he is a dating coach that specializes in picking up women, building relationships, and online dating. He has a great E-book on the market titled “Master Online Dating” that we recommend to all looking to touch up on their online skills.