My name is Kieran Black, I am a former professional Dating coach and a current columnist with Way of the Player.

I have been teaching men how to attract and seduce beautiful women for many years now and during that time I have continued to learn and grow myself.

In fact, it is through teaching others that I came to the very realization, I will be discussing in this article. And this is why the Way of the Player community (The Wolfpack) is a Brotherhood rather than an Autocracy (a system where one individual holds complete power) because in many I am also a student, as well as a teacher.

Through the successes and failures of myself and the men I work with to improve their lives; I have continued to learn and improve my own outlook on life constantly.

One such realization I came to me on the weekend was how the desire for control over other people and life situations will inevitably lead to negativity and stress time and time again. And it is all to common for people to fall into the trap of trying to control things they have no power over.

Stop Trying To Control Everything

Ultimately our desire to control the world around us is rooted in fear and negativity. We think that if we can control other people then we can never get hurt by them and this will make us happier as a result.

But this is so very wrong…

In truth, by trying to control another person and take away their free will; you are only setting yourself up for one possible outcome and it wont be what you wanted.

No-one likes to be controlled and even if you are able to make someone do something against their will for one day, they will most likely dedicate a lot of their time and energy trying to find ways to rebel against that control and ultimately free themselves.

Learn from every brutal dictator throughout history. Even the ones who were able to stay in power lived their lives in fear of rebellion and assassination, they actually trapped themselves in a life where they had the illusion of power but no real power at all.

Because they forget the most important thing of all, that control and power over others is given, it is not taken. It only exists in our minds, and human minds can be easily changed. It only takes one moment of weakness for followers to lose all faith in their leader.

If you are a man in a relationship with a woman and you are trying to control her completely and have her do everything that you want, this will inevitably lead to problems in the relationship. She might obey you out of fear or love, but then one day another man will come along, who is kind and attractive and suddenly present an opportunity to cheat and momentarily escape your control.

Or remember when you were a teenager? Do you remember how it felt always being told what to do and how to act? Most teenagers find a way to rebel, maybe it’s through taking drugs or by going out with someone their parents hate. Rebellion is in our nature but we only rebel when we feel trapped by others.

This is why your energy is better spent trying to control yourself rather than trying to control others.

Self Control

If you are someone who is constantly trying to control the world about you, then you need to stop that now because it’s not going to help you succeed or find happiness in life.

Instead, I want to take that energy that you spend trying to control others and I want you to use that energy to start controlling yourself. Make yourself start doing what you know needs to be done to improve your life.

It is energy much better spent because you will actually benefit from self control but you wont benefit in the long-run from trying to control the people around you. It’s also easier and far more rewarding because it creates positivity in your life and builds confidence.

Instead of trying to control or trick girls into going out with you, why not work on becoming a better man instead and having girls gravitate towards you?

Imagine the possibilities of what you could achieve working with yourself like this, the sky is the limit. But first you need to let go of the mentality of trying to control the world around you because you can never win that battle. And the only way we can get the people around us to act the way we want, is by becoming an inspiration and positive force ourselves.

If you can do this then rather than ‘making’ people do what you want, they will want to, I guarantee it.

By Kieran Black


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