By Kieran Black
As an ex-depression sufferer myself, I felt somewhat compelled to write an article based on my own journey through depression and research I have undertaken in order to improve my ability to help friends of mine who are suffering from depression.
There was once a time when I was in the depths of depression and dispair, it was a very dark time for me but it also allowed me to come out the other side a stronger more enlightened man. I beat depression for good and it wasn’t through medication, it wasn’t through counselling; I beat depression by recognising patterns in my way of thinking which were causing me to get depressed and I took steps to ensure that in future I was able to recognise those patterns and deal with them before they got out of hand.
By doing this I was able to permanently cure myself of depression and this article is designed to help others understand and deal with the depression they have in themselves or within people in their lives who they care about.
Research has shown that depression is becoming an increasingly common condition in men, in part due to the re-classification of depression by society as being an illness that affects both men and women rather than being considered soley “a woman’s disease”, it is perhaps this contempt that society has previously held for men who suffer depression which has kept so many men quietly suffering with their illness.
Many people within society still consider depression to be a sign of weakness and believe that people suffering from depression are ‘just seeking attention (want people to feel sorry for them)’ or ‘they are looking for an excuse to get out of work (or get government benefits)’.
In some cases, this is exactly right, there are people out there who will just use depression as an excuse to make their lives easier at the expense of those around them, when in fact, the only thing they suffer from is an extreme case of selfishness or ‘Me-its’.
These people ruin it for the bulk of depression sufferers because it prevents mainstream society from fully recognising depression as a legitimate illness and therefore the depression sufferers are often afraid to get help or reveal their illness to those around them, often masking their depression until it is too late and it causes a mental breakdown or worse, suicide.
If you do a bit of research you will also find that many of the men actively involved in the seduction community have suffered from some form of depression at some point or another and that is what led them to proactively seek help in improving their lives and beating the blues.
Now depression is a very interesting illness, because it can be both chemical and psychological. Meaning that, depression is often the result of a chemical balance in the brain causing a ‘negative feedback loop’ which slowly but surely causes someone to delve into a deep black of despair from which it is incredibly difficult to crawl out of once you are in it.
However it goes both ways, negative thinking can also cause a negative chemical imbalance in the brain and combined with consistent negative stimuli (bad shit that happens to you) they feed off each other and create a negative feedback loop, which once started, is very difficult to break out of.
Often these negative feedback loops are started off by a profound negative event in the subject’s lives, such as losing their job or losing a loved one and these external stimuli will act a catalyst for a negative feedback loop.
On the other hand, Positive feedback loops can also be caused by a positive catalyst such as having a stranger give you millions of dollars for no reason or getting a job as a Swedish bikini inspector.
The only problem with this is that for someone who is not proactive in life, it is much more likely for negative things to happen to them than positive, because the reality is; the only way to tip the scales in your favour is to take steps to ensure positive things can easily happen to you. For example, it is very unlikely you will win the lottery if you never buy a ticket.
People who are very lucky in life also tend to have worked pretty hard for that luck and if they haven’t, then their luck is guaranteed to run out eventually.
Therefore we are a lot more likely to get depressed if we are too lazy to prevent it; we are a lot more likely to feel that we have wasted our lives, if we have never done anything to try and improve it. We are guaranteed to fail, if we never try.
Being the source of your own happiness
One major commonality among sufferers of depression is their absolute reliance upon external stimuli for their state of inner happiness. In other words, they wait around for something good to happen to them to make them feel happy and when it doesn’t happen (or doesn’t happen consistently) they get sad and depressed and end up feeling sorry for themselves.
Well this kind of thinking will always lead to depression eventually because the world is a harsh place and good things can’t happen to everyone all the time, it is simply unsustainable. Therefore the only way to ensure that good things are happening in your own life is to be the very source of those good things for yourself and others.
Stop searching for Sun Rays, become the Sun. Be the source of your own happiness.
Next time you feel sad, try being awesome instead.
If you are a sufferer or a friend of someone suffering from depression, then this is the only way they will ever get over depression. As Barney Stinson (How I met your Mother) once said ‘When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead’, there is more truth to this line than there ostensibly appears.
When it comes down to it, this is actually a very effective way of dealing with depression, by pushing yourself to do something exceptionally good and powerful you can break a negative feedback loop simply by pushing yourself to do something profound and out of character.
Asides from the beneficial chemical rush you get from breaking your normal routine by doing something spectacularly daring, this is also great for your long term confidence with dealing with depression because you are being self reliant and looking to yourself to resolve your issues rather than those around you, or worse, self-medication.
Depression is contagious, associate with people who have happy balanced lives.
If you are hanging out with self-pitying losers who are constantly messing up their lives and constantly whining about how hard things are then you need to re-evaluate how you choose your friends because otherwise they will drag you down because misery likes company.
You are who you hang out with, if you hang out with only drug addicts you will probably become a drug addict, if you hang with only gay men then you will probably become a gay man (or at the very least marginally gayer).
When selecting your friends, choose people who are happy and well adjusted and more importantly choose people who are succeeding in life. These positive friends will assist you in your long term development and they will help you create a positive social environment which is crucial to maintaining happiness and positive growth.
Setting long term goals.
A man needs to have goals, he needs to have something to work towards and he needs to feel himself progressing towards that goal in order to feel like he is developing as a person.
Without goals we have no direction and without direction we tend to wallow aimlessly like a cork bobbing in the middle of the ocean not knowing where to go.
If you are not sure what your goal should be then choose the one on offer here. Commit yourself to being the best player and seducer that you can be, commit yourself to improving your style, commit yourself to improving your interactions with beautiful women. With goals like these you can not fail because you are taking control of the number one source of depression, having no control over your love life.
How depression affects seduction.
In order to be a good player you need to have your issues with depression well and truly under control because as Player’s we are supposed to be a rock to those around us and in particular we are supposed to be consistent and reliable in our dealings with beautiful women.
Unfortunately the reality is, although depression affects both men and women, society typically views depression as being more of a feminine illness and as unfair as this is since it seems to affect men and women equally, we should be aware of this as player’s.
If you are suffering from serious depression, then seducing girls should be the last thing on your mind. Your only priority should be adjusting your thinking patterns to reflect a positive feedback cycle as mentioned above, in other words you need to get your shit together before you can be ready to attract and seduce beautiful women.
Often men can be depressed as a result of being very attached to a woman who is bad for them emotionally; despite them knowing that these women are bad for them they can’t help but continue to come back to them at their own expense when really they should be moving on and looking for more constructive relationships.
This kind of self punishment in depression sufferers is common and is often tied to a low self esteem and feelings of unworthiness, this is unacceptable for a player because our success as player’s is directly linked to our exceptionally high opinion of ourselves. Our confidence is our most powerful tool with women kind, without it, we are just normal guys with a few ‘tricks’.
One thing we all need to remember about depression sufferers, is that it can affect anyone at anytime in their lives, so when it does occur to someone that we know and care about, it is good to be emphatic but we should never feel pity because they need to understand that only they can fix their problem and if they are unwilling to seek help then you can’t let them drag you down, because they will. Sometimes these people just need a good hard slap in the face and they need to be constantly pushed to resolve their own issues because no good ever came from waiting around for things to fix themselves.