Lucy thought I loved theater as much as she did. I showed her a small storm of theater wisdom that I had, which apparently conveyed to her that I want to know all about it. While she was entertaining me with knowledge I will never use, I was thinking of how I could show her my lack of interest. Thinking of only rude gestures, I started consciously thinking of how she sees me at the moment. I looked calm, open, and of course as sharp as a freshly sharpened knife. I decided to finally change the direction of the stream: “…yes, we will have to go see Fiddler on the Roof. I always wondered about how actors portray feelings of discomfort and shyness. How do you do it?” The words flew out, and immediately Lucy got up and started showing me techniques she’s used. She looked good doing it, and I almost believed her every time. I thought of what I would do if I wanted to be shy and tense. While I felt like Lucy was playing charades, the question made my mind drift off…
Body Language – Face
1. Relax your face. Licking your lips, making noises with your mouth, sniffling- all of these nervous behaviors are unnecessary. Advise yourself against using them.
2. Don’t blink too often. You’re not trying to Morse code your speech. Use your tone of voice, well-articulated words, and clever word choice- not rapid eye movement.
3. Don’t smile too often. You will meet people who will tell you, “Smile as often as you can.” Not in this case. If you’re smiling all the time, you’re trying to appeal to people. Think of a used car salesman who won’t quit smiling. What’s the general opinion of that guy? Besides, you want to be a leader, not a follower who is trying too hard to get others to like him. I still encourage smiling, but make it purposeful and subtle. By subtle I mean as less of a shark grin as you can- a half-smile will do you wonders.
Body Language – Eyes
4. Don’t look around while having a conversation. Next time you’re talking to a girl, relax your eyes. This will give you a calm, confident look and will prevent your eyes from moving. Use a half-smile and calm eyes, and you will exert sexual but comfortable tension.
5. Look down as least as possible. Go back to elementary school painting class when you’d draw a horizon (hopefully I wasn’t the only one drawing sandy beaches). You would draw a horizontal line in the middle or slightly higher than the center of a paper. Now look in front of you and imagine the same line through what you see. Try to keep your eyes looking at that level. This will keep your eyes up, chin up, and your shoulders will want to draw back; this is a trick to look confident, which after some time can become a habit.
6. Before you answer a question a woman has asked, don’t look away. There is a tendency to look away while we think of a response. This can translate as a lack of confidence. If you find yourself doing this, and most people do, try a half-smile. This will do certain things for you: it will seem like you’re looking away since her question made you think of something; your eyes will become smaller since your facial muscles tense up; your smile can be a reward for showing interest by asking a question.
Body Language – Speech
7. Don’t use many complex sentences. Try to limit yourself to speaking in short and clear sentences. Seduction isn’t a logical subject, so you shouldn’t be using much logic, unless it’s witty, in your dialogue. One of my favorite authors said, “An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.” Be an artist.
8. Don’t speak in a monotone voice. You’re not a politician, and you’re not your high school teacher. You will seem emotionally empty and boring.
9. Lose the “ummm” and the “uhhh.” Don’t be an animal making noises. You don’t want to convey that your brain can’t fire fast enough. It’s better to not say anything for a second, gather your thoughts, and then speak like a man should.
10. Don’t speak fast. This shows indecisiveness and inability to formulate your speech, so you’re spitting all the information your brain is processing at that moment. The woman you’re speaking to will miss more than half of the words you’ll say.
11. Don’t take long pauses when you don’t know how to answer a question. If this ever happens, either since you didn’t expect it or don’t know what to say, reiterate the question. Your answer will find itself. With experience, however, you’ll be prepared better and better.
Body Language – Hands
12. Don’t touch your face during conversation. This only translates your tension to the woman.
13. Don’t hide your hands. Take them out of your pockets. Other than it being rude, it also shows that you’re nervous and don’t know what to do with your hands.
14. Limit the hand gestures and their radius. This can automatically draw your own personal bubble, which hints to the woman to stay away from it.
Body Language – Other:
15. When you’re not in a rush, don’t walk fast. Try to find the speed you’re typically walking, and walk just a notch calmer.
16. If you need to turn your head to answer, don’t turn it in a fast motion. Take a pause and turn it calmly.
17. When you’re talking while walking, don’t be afraid to use your whole body. Use your torso and your hands. In this case, you want to make the conversation more engaging, since you’re not just talking.
18. Watch your posture. Don’t be stiff, and more importantly, don’t slouch. Do this very quickly. Stand up and let your arms hang loose. Look down at your hands. Turn them outward until the back of your hands are parallel to your body. This should turn your shoulders into the position you want them to be. Remember this throughout the day and try to do it as much as possible- shortly it should become a habit.
It can be hard to fix these little suckers, but with time it will come. Remember that you can bring most behavior into a habit- it’s just a matter of catching yourself and consciously making the changes.
By Andre Yashin[social_share/]